Life Keeps Rolling...Living with Rheumatoid Arthritis

Massive update

2010-08-15T14:22:00.000-07:00

I did launch the Walmart 167 Challenge, but unfortunately it fell flat because of our son's 8th grade graduation and the move to Colorado Springs. But that doesn't mean that when I get settled that later this fall, I am going to re-tool it and call it the 167 challenge.

We did get moved to Colorado Springs and I am so glad to be "home". I have always loved the Springs and I don't EVER want to move away from here again. We found a great house with 4 bedrooms, HUGE backyard, laundry area, future food storage area, 1 car garage and so much more. We have had to get the refrigerator replaced, the dishwasher is getting replaced, and screen door on the back slider. We are also supposed to get a front storm door as well.

We are back in a familiar church ward and are re-connecting with people. I have been trying to get my craft room downstairs assembled, but it will take time! I am hoping to get 2 work tables put down there as well as Waide constructing my sewing and serger tables. We will get this house the way we want it, because there is also the front and back yards to deal with as well.

I am also working.I have a parttime job at Sears Portrait Studio. I need to make sure the money is there for our kids' karate and gymnastics. I like working the studio but there is a job that I would prefer over what I am doing right now. It is frustrating that I am can't work the job I want to work.

Anyway, my son is going to be a freshman this year and my daughter is a 2nd grader. Both of them are VERY excited about going to school here in the Springs. We have hit some snags with Braden but it will all be worked out.

Now onto the RA stuff-

I finally got a rheumatologist after being diagnosed. He isn't thrilled with the Methotrexate in pill form for me, so starting next week I will go to injections. He said the dosage is good, but I am just not getting all the Methotrexate into the joints. He also said that he wants to give the Simponi 3 more months with the Meth. injections and if things aren't where he would like them, then we will go to a more aggressive drug like Humira.

This summer has been a tough one with the RA. Colorado has been unseasonably wet and the thunderstorms are in full force. My joints have been very tender all summer. I have been using Prednisone and I have been going through many of the side effects...especially the insomina. I HATE THAT!!

I have also applied for disability once again. This time, we are basing it off of the bipolar issues that I have had since 1995. So, we have put the date clear back in 2001. I am really praying that Colorado will come through for me and will grant me my disability. It is getting harder and harder but I just don't want to deal with the money issue anymore. I need to focus on me.

I have found out that the YMCA isn't that far away from me, so once the kids are settled into their school routines, I will get the ball rolling on going to the YMCA for my health and welfare. They do have the arthritis water program as well as another program for gentle joints.

We Launched the Walmart Challenge today!

2010-05-01T16:09:00.000-07:00

We didn't buy ANY junk food including our major downfall- soda. We are purging the refrigerator and freezer of the nasty stuff, but surprisingly we have TONS of the good stuff in there! We are in the process of doing our menu planning sticking to only spending 167.00 a week on food.

Tonight's dinner- Quorn patties with cranberries/grueyer cheese with steamed veggies.

How is the RA doing- absolutely awful. I know that I am still coming out of Prednisone withdrawal BUT Colorado has been having the worst weather and my KNEES are acting like they need to be cut off!! It seems like the pain has shifted from my hands/wrists to my knees.

I have been taking a lot of painkillers lately and I am really hating it. I did take my 2nd injection of Simponi and it seems like some days it works and other days it seems like I am not taking anything for my RA. I called the makers of Simponi and spoke to their healthcare specialists. They don't even really start to ask their patients about improvement until 14 weeks into the shot therapy. I am only 6 weeks into the therapy, so I have to wait another 8 weeks to see if the Simponi is really taking effect.

But this week, I am calling my PCP this week to get a referral to a Rheumatologist because we now officially have insurance and I can get my lab work done and a proper medical treatment.

Did I mention that we are moving? Yes, we are having to move to Colorado Springs because of my hubby's new career. He is still doing IT but he now works for the State of Colorado. Benefits, Retirement and NO working nights! I think we are still trying to adjust to the working the day schedule but it will work out.

Ok, I am now off to get the menu done for this upcoming week because that is how I keep on budget with the Walmart 167 Challenge!

Final Countdown Until Launch

2010-04-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

I am getting excited about my new project and it is almost ready to go! You have to go to the website and find out what I am doing!

http://sites.google.com/site/walmart167challenge/home

But it is all health-related and will have a major impact on my RA! Check it out, spread the word, and become a fan!

Update on my RA. Well, I finally crashed and burned today. I am in the middle of a small flare but a MAJOR fatigue spell. I actually went and laid down today. The Simponi/MTX/Plaquenil combo is holding the major stuff at bay so I am still able to function without too much discomfort. My next injection is coming up here pretty soon.

This is going to be an interesting challenge because we have started the process of packing to get ready to move and I am also driving my hubby to and fro work. Work is 35 miles away and I do this trip twice a day. For the most part, the driving isn't too bad, but it is going to get complicated in May when it is an everyday drive. Right now, his time is being split between HQ and training academy.

Now I am having to seriously think about my day and how I am going to approach things. I really don't like having to compromise this way, but at least I do get some things accomplished. Right now, I am just packing the fragile things or the things that just do not need to be out like- knick knacks, wall stuff, and not used crafting stuff.

I am also working on the carpet to prepare it for cleaning. Puppy is 90% house broken and now it is time for us to clean the carpets. Hubby is going to start taking our stuff out to storage as well. Lots of work to be done but we can get this done!

Simponi IS working!

2010-03-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

The side effects are now gone and my hands are actually feeling like I really never had RA. There are still a few trouble spots, but I think by the next injection they will be under control as well.

Now what I am facing is getting my body back to an active level. I think that is what is driving my fatigue...my body isn't used to tons of activity because when I flare I just go and lay down on the couch or go to bed. So, I am very tired and I am kinda sore because I am making my body work.

However, this week I am starting the process for us to move from Florence to Colorado Springs. Waide got a new job in the Springs and we will need to move because I can't drive Waide everyday at this distance. This week is spring break, so I am going out to the bungelow and getting the boxes and start packing them.

We honestly don't know when we are going to move but we do know that it will be after May 27th because that is the kiddos' last day of school and Braden will be graduating from the 8th grade.

Now that my hands are starting to work again, I can start to focus on my health. I don't like where my weight is and I really have to change that. I am totally laying off any caffeine including- chocolate and chai teas from Starbucks. I am also working on giving up soda. I have switched to caffeine-free Pepsi, but I am losing the taste for it. My doctor told me to lay off the stuff AND caffeine promotes flares. I am also going back to getting the high fructose corn syrup out of our lives. My hubby is going to stop drinking the soda as well, because of the impending benefits. He can get his medication for narcolepsy and that means no more soda for the caffeine.

Ok, it is time for me to get my butt moving and start living once again. BUT I am taking small steps.

Simponi..the first 48 hours

2010-03-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

This is the injector for the Simponi! Talk about paging Dr. McCoy from Star Trek. Waide and I agree it looks like a hypospray!

Anyway, I picked up the Simponi and Wednesday and my pharmicist at Walmart went over the directions, drug reactions, and possible side effects because I am the first person at that Walmart store's pharmacy to get Simponi.

Prior to injecting the medication you have to let it sit out for 30 minutes to room temperature. For me, that happened on the drive home. Anyway, I stopped in at my mom's house to give myself the first injection. Honestly, I was quite nervous about the whole thing because I equated it to when I gave myself insulin shots with regular syringes. But as I learned there is NO COMPARISON!

Anyway, there are 3 different places that you can inject yourself- the thighs, upper arms, and 2 inches below the belly button. I chose below the belly button because that is scar tissue from my 1st c-section. Then I went and santized the area with alcohol and placed the injector at a straight angle and I tried to press the button. ONE TOUGH BUTTON!! Then I re-positioned it and POP!! 3 seconds later the medication was floating into the blood stream. WHAT?? That was it? Amazing so easy and I didn't feel a thing because it went so darn fast.

Then I went home feeling fine. But that evening was a completely different story. It started out fine but then my heart started to race and then I felt like someone turned me into a pile of goo. I just couldn't move and then I started to act like I was drunk- slurred speech, glazed over look and generally looking like hell. THEN the nausea hit. It was small but enough to chalk it up to side effect. We called my mom to come and help get me propped up on the couch because I was laying down and Waide was nervous that I wasn't getting enough oxygen. It took 2 hours for me to finally come around enough to go to bed.

I woke up the next morning, kinda feeling crappy and I noticed one thing- my hands were just achy not crabby like they are every morning. The wrists were completely feeling fine. It was a good feeling. I was able to take Waide to Colorado Springs for him to go through his final interview and accept a new job. I got home and started to feel super tired and had to cancel another trip to Colorado Springs planned for the evening.

So, we decided to celebrate Waide's new job with mom and John by taking them out to dinner. Everything went fine until the end of the meal- my heart started racing and I went flush. I also experienced the same weakness but not as bad. We were able to get me outside to throw up and mom drove me home. This about of side effects lasted about 45 minutes. I immediately went to bed.

Now today, I am planning on taking it easy. A trip to Walmart for some groceries and baking a batch of brownies for tomorrow's SCA event. I plan on doing a lot of sitting at that event and taking it super easy.

Note on my medications- Dr. Sean hasn't changed the medications. But I only have 3 more doses of Prednisone and that will be finished. Now that we will have insurance through Waide's new job, I am going to get the referral to a rheumatologist and start a whole new baseline with them. Dr. Sean is my PCP and does a DAMN GOOD JOB!!

I think that the side effects will be gone here shortly and then I can concentrate on getting my health back on track.

Simponi is a VERY expensive drug and there are many of you that can't afford something like this, but I want to tell you that there is hope. My medication is paid for by Johnson & Johnson because I met their guidlelines for assistance. If you need more information, please go to the website- http://www.simponi.com/ and there is a link with further information on getting assistance. Here is the direct link- http://www.access2wellness.com/a2w/index.html This is where you can apply directly for Simponi and several other drugs that you may be taking.

I will continue to report on how things are going with the Simponi. But like all of our other medications that we take for RA, time is Simponi's best friend, too.

We got SNOW!!

2010-03-24T10:38:00.000-07:00

This is so crazy! I took my yard stick out to the picnic table and it measured 7.5 inches on the tabletop!
Today I am waiting for the call from Walmart to go and get my Simponi. Dr. Sean is keeping me on the Plaquenil and Methotrexate. The Prednisone does officially go away here in a couple of days and he isn't authorizing a new script for it. He said that with the combo of Simponi, MTX, and Plaquenil, my body should be armed to the teeth to get the RA to settle down and my energy levels to return because I won't be dealing with the Prednisone effects, either.

Today my fingers are feeling a tad swollen but I did get Chloe to school, the dog taken outside to do her business and play in the snow. Now I am thinking about the beginnings of a new project for the SCA. This will be an embroidery project, because my hands WILL be getting better and decorative hand-stitching is therapy for me. But I also just ordered a maintenance kit for my spinning wheel! I can't wait to get it up and running again. However, I think that I am going to need a class for the spinning wheel and then later a refresher class on weaving basics.

Ya know, I am wanting this RA therapy to go so right because I deserve it to go right. I have too much stuff to do and I can't be sidelined by it anymore. I am tired of being tired, I am sick of laying on the couch all day because I don't have the strength or energy to move around, and then there is the weight gain with meds to deal with, etc. If it isn't one thing, its another.

Ok, I am getting off my butt and I am getting out to the kitchen because I need to make some brownies for our fighter practice tomorrow night!

Spring cleaning & changes are on the way again!

2010-03-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

This summer is going to be very busy! First, my hubby is getting ready to accept a new job on Thursday. This is a permanent position with the State of Colorado in the IT department for DOC. It pays pretty well and has a retirement plan...BUT the best part is that we will have benefits for our family! We have been without continous health insurance for almost 3 years now and I just don't know how we made it. Thank goodness we were able to get the kids on public healthcare and Waide/I got assistance when we needed it; especially when his appendix was getting ready to burst.

But now the work is going to REALLY begin! I have started the task of cleaning and packing boxes for the impending move this summer. We are going to move until after school gets out, but we have a TON of stuff that needs to be re-boxed and moved out to mom's house for storage. I am kinda sad that we will be leaving the comfortable feeling of a small town, I am more excited to get back to what we know the best---the city!

Basically, what happens is that I pack almost all the stuff and Waide gets the moving crew together to get it out of here. I am also going to start going through the kitchen stuff once again to see what I can put into the camping stuff. I am REALLY glad that I am going to be getting my shot start this week because I am going to need every bit of strength I can get to prepare for this move.

Something I am looking forward to is getting my desk back from Waide. So, I am thinking that I am going to buy him the same identical desk as mine for Father's Day. Then we will figure out a chair for him later. I also think that Chloe is going to be getting a computer for Christmas and the desk to go with it.

Anyway, Spring cleaning has started and I am going to have the kids go through the clothes that no longer fit and put in the donate box. We are also going to be going through lots of books, craft stuff, and a million other things and get rid of it!

Prayers are being answered! 2010 is going to be a great year!

2010-03-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

As a few of you know, I applied for assistance with the Simponi and was APPROVED! It is completely covered for an entire year! There are no copays or anything! So, a HUGE shout-out to Johnson & Johnson for helping me with my RA. Hopefully by then, we will have insurance and then I can cross that bridge when I come to it.

I have had so much prayer for this to happen and I am grateful for every prayer and everyone who prays for me and my family. So, THANK YOU for your prayers!

Going to New Mexico this past weekend has had a profound affect on my attitude. I am not feeling so hopeless and I am thinking that with proper treatment for the RA I could be almost back to my active self and I am going to have a great summer! We have planned 2 major camping trips and lots of little trips. But the thing I am most excited for is ARCHERY!!!

I am getting ready to order my fletching jig to start working on replacing some of my broken arrows. I have to paint, crest, fletch, nock, and tip them. But my son is the one who is in need of arrows. He is down to 3! So, I will probably design his first but then again..maybe NOT!!

The biggest thing for me right now is that I have been given hope. This is huge because now I can start to work on me and confronting my issues..hopefully with minimal pain. My RA needs to find its place in my life not dominating my life. I know that I will always have issues with it, but if I keep working at it maybe those issues will become speed bumps instead of road blocks.

I just know that my daughter is very happy that soon I will have some of my energy back and then we can play outside!

Other ideas in my head! I am going to apply to the YMCA for financial assistance to help have a place to start to work out and get into swim pools as well as use the treadmills and stationary bikes to exercise on while Waide is in class 2 nights a week in Colorado Springs. I have missed going to the YMCA and if we can get another scholarship, that would really help out. Besides, the kids have been missing the Y as well. I can have Braden as a workout partner!

Ok, I am now needing to stop blogging because I have to get ready to drive to Colorado Springs this evening. The new dog in our family is going to grandma's house this evening as well and I am needing to go fresh grocery shopping! Sunshine Market here I come! We are making eggplant lasanga this week!

The Biggest Loser Casting Call and RA- What did I Learn?

2010-03-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, me and my hubby drove down to Alburquerque, NM, for a Biggest Loser casting call. Overall, I was disappointed with it and I think you can do better with submitting a DVD. Would I go again? Yes, but only if it is in Colorado or NM because I do get to see my friend Laura! BUT I am going to submit a DVD just to see what happens!

But more importantly, it was a learning experience for me. Here are some thoughts about the day-

I finally got my hubby to admit that it was time for him to start to look at himself and realize that now with being on blood pressure medicine, he HAS to lose those 40 lbs to help control the BP and lessen his narcolepsy symptoms.
Hubby admitted that our family has poor eating habits and that he has several of those bad habits.
In order for me to make sure I have a long and happy life that does include RA, I need to give my body the best chance of coping with the disease. That means I need to take the pressure off my joints and start to be more kind to them.
I don't need a reality show (but it would be fun!) to kick start my weight loss again. I just need a good plan that has lots of variety in foods and activity.
I do have lots of support to help me kick this stupid weight!

I am pretty sure that I have completed my grieving process with the RA. I have completely and totally accepted it. That doesn't mean that I have to like it, but I can deal with it. I have started on that process by filling out the application for assistance in getting the Simponi shot to deal with the RA. Dr. Sean said that this drug is very powerful and almost sends people into a "remission" state with the RA. In my book that is good enough for me!

I am now back to my idea of the Wal-Mart Challenge project and I am now working on the website with my hubby. I REALLY think this idea could help millions of people not only struggling with weight issues but how to feed their families and not have to rob the rank or worry if the food stamps are going to run out. I am now picking up the research and my hubby is designing the website. We will have webcasts, recipes, programs, ideas, etc.

As for a launch date- I can't give one, but I would like to shoot for June. I will Facebook and Tweet about this as plans fall into place.

But right now is time for me to finish my breakfast! I am having steel-cut oatmeal with bananas!

A little over a year since the Diagnosis

2010-03-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it has been just a little over a year that I got the shock of my life and that totally turned it upside down. It was February 20, 2009 that the diagnosis came down. So, now what? What have I learned in a years time in coming to terms with RA.

1. You never really come to terms with RA. You just have your good days, bad days, and your OMG days. Lately, it seems the OMG days have been winning.
2. People are still confused about what RA is. It ISN'T OA! I think I want to get a shirt and print the definition of RA on the shirt, so when they are looking at my boobs, they are getting educated about RA in the process.
3. Your family is really affected by this disease. This is the hard one because my daughter practically prays every night for cure for Mommy's RA and it breaks my heart because there isn't anything that can comfort her on that level because mommy is sick.
4. Chronic disease takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Some days it is almost too much to take.

So now what? Honestly, I feel lost. I feel like that the RA just stripped me of everything- college, community projects, hand usage, energy, etc. I HATE BEING THIS WAY!!! How do I put these pieces back together in a way where I can get back to doing the things I love? I feel exposed, vulnerable, and losing hope.

When I look in the mirror, I honestly don't recognize the person I see. I only see ghosts of who I used to be. I loved to smile, but it has been replaced by sadness. I loved to be outside but now only to live in darkness. I lived in joy, but I am dying in despair. Who I see is not who I am, but that person is gone now and I miss her.

I miss laughter and joy. I anguish for hope. I pray for peace but I am at war...at war with my own body for reasons unknown to me. I know that I mush take this journey and this is my burden, but I don't know where to start or where to go. There are no signs or directions, only darkness hiding the path.

I have been taught to hold to the iron rod, but the rod has been ripped out of my hands. I thank God everyday that I made it through the day, but I don't want to just exist... I want to live once again. I am my children's curse, not their mother and for that I am ashamed.

I have been facing a lot of hard realities lately and these are just a few of them. I am trying so hard to keep my faith that I will be able to find relief of my symptoms so I can figure out some kind of life for myself. I am not even interested in school right now because...well...that kinda went out the door when I couldn't handle the pressures of the classes I was taking last semester.

I am not able to do my project that I wanted to do (Walmart Challenge) because I simply don't have the energy to even try it. It really ticks me off because I really think that it would benefit a lot of people out there struggling to make ends meet.

I am not quite sure what to do.

This week has been a challenge...my first cold with RA

2010-02-10T23:31:00.000-08:00

My hubby got a cold this week and he has been trying to keep me from getting it, but I did get a small cold and some medium-size flares. My SKIN is even hurting with these flares. I am flaring because of the snowstorms that moved through Colorado. But I have been managing to keep the cold down to a minimum because I honestly think my body is just too tired to fight the RA and a cold. I have been keeping warm, taking the meds, and sleeping when I can.

Now it seems like everyone is getting sick. My mom is also sick, so I can't visit her. My daughter has been complaining of a sore throat and I am just trying to dodge everyone. BUT with everyone being sick, I haven't had a chance to work on my Wal-Mart Challenge project. I have just over a month and nothing is where it should be for this project.

BUT I have been doing some custom graphics for a website that my hubby has been working on and I have to say they look pretty darn good! The website won't be rolled out for awhile but when it is, I will be sure to announce it to the world! This one will have all the bells and whistles to make it shine!

I am now 4 days Prednisone-free and right now I am not sure what is going on because of the cold. But I have noticed that I am just taking Tramadol for pain and Aleve for the swelling. I am getting pretty much the same results as I did when I was taking the Ibuprofen. I don't think I will see the full effectiveness of being Prednisone-free until I have blue skies AND warm temperatures.

Speaking of medications, I am getting ready to apply for the indigent program for the Simponi shots. We were waiting for the tax return, so I could get the tax information for the program. So, lets pray I can get into this program.

Ok, my hands are hurting, I need to go and rest them.

Disability Application Update and other stuff

2010-01-31T09:09:00.000-08:00

I had my phone interview on Friday and I went through the WHOLE process and they wouldn't even process my claim because

1. My husband makes too much money for us to qualify for welfare.
2. I haven't put in enough into the Fica program to qualify.

So, after taking the weekend to calm down I am going to start to look for a good disability attorney to see what my options REALLY are in this fight. Yes, it is going to be a fight because the RA is going to get worse no matter what and I do have real health issues that need attention and I can't get it without assistance. Anyway, I am not giving up and I am NOT giving in!

Yesterday was our SCA event and it was a smashing success for our little household. I was a little worried on Friday because I did flare and my energy levels just hit the floor. It was a struggle to get through the donation luncheon yesterday, but my energy levels finally came back late in the afternoon. Today, my hands a little swollen but I am sure that once I get moving around the house and take my meds (I was too tired last night), everything will be just fine. Today is cleaning out the back of the truck, the coolers, and putting the kids' merchandise away for their next event.

I also found out that people like asparagus! I did this experiment as a salad of grilled asparagus and everyone loved it, so I will plan on doing it again at a future event WHEN it is in season and cheap. Overall, I am tired but I am feeling good. I am gathering my strength to take on the government and get on with life.

So, onward and upward this week!

This weekend and my RA

2010-01-27T23:00:00.000-08:00

If you read my blog, you know that I am member of the SCA. We re-create the Middle Ages in modern day. Ok, this weekend is an event and I am supplying the donation lunch for it. I am excited but nervous as well.

I have been on a high octane level of activity since last Friday. The RA is calming down and I am able to function. I have been moving around quite well and I am almost all prepared for this weekend. WHY the nerves? I don't want this feeling of health to go away.

I really enjoy doing the activities that I do in the SCA, but my favorite one is providing service. When I see a need and I know I can help, I just right in and try to fill the gap. I have my activities like sewing and such but service to others is my favorite. That is where cooking comes in! I like to cook for people because when people are fed a good meal, they are fun and happy.

I basically grew up where the kitchen was the heart of the house, the meal brought our family together, and we actually interacted with each other. We told each other how things were going in our lives, etc. Then later I lived in the South and I learned what true hospitality was from a grand lady of the South-- Ms. Birdie.

So when people come to my home, they are going to get a great meal with true hospitality. But I am scared that I am going to lose that ability to be a comfort to people in this way. So, I am finding out how important is it to keep doing those things that make you happy and that is exactly what I am doing this weekend.

I tell you, because of the RA my whole thought process has now changed. I have a new dream that I would love to come true and here it is- I want to own about 20 greenhouses and grow fruits and veggies year-round to sell as an indoor farmers market. I am not talking about your backyard greenhouses, I am talking the HUGE industrial ones that when you walk in, they seem to go on forever!!

But I also want another, specific building on the same property. This building will be full of kitchens for people to come and learn how to preserve, freeze, and store food for the bad times and the good. Also teach classes on how to make breads, cheeses, sausages, etc.

Educate people on GOOD food, because everyone else teaches us about bad food. In the short run, yes it does run into some expense but in the long run your pocket book and waistline will thank you for learning about preserving food.

In fact, I was talking to my daughter about this idea and she suggested that we help save the honey bees by having a hive for our greenhouses. I am good with that because I am not allergic to their stings and I can't stand honey, BUT I am very interested in harvesting bee vomit!

With all of this, I am not opposed to playing in the dirt, running a tiller through the ground, spreading fertilizer, etc. I love teaching people and this is the perfect arena for me to provide service to people. The recent failure of our economy got people thinking about gardens, eating better, etc. We need to keep on this thought pattern.

So, this weekend I am going to do what I love doing- providing a service to people...making their tummies happy with good food. I will be resting on Friday to make sure I am up to task and I will report how things go!

RA update, Zoo Report, and Wal-Mart Project update

2010-01-24T21:26:00.000-08:00

Friday was my daughter's 7th birthday and she decided that she wanted to go to the Denver Zoo for the day. I had been extremely nervous about this outing for the past couple of weeks because I had been dealing with crappy RA stuff. In fact, I was wishing that it would snow on Monument Hill so we couldn't go. Well, that didn't happen. It was sunny and bright as well as cold until noon.

So, we medicate me REALLY well the night before and put me to bed to make sure I get enough sleep because I am the only one who can drive. (Hubby has narcolepsy) Anyway, the drive was smooth up to the zoo.

We get there and the adventure begins. I did 4 hours of walking with lots of stops along the way. I walked until one of my toes developed a blister!! I managed to walk 95% of the zoo yesterday. I thought I was GOING TO DIE!!! I truly felt like my body was falling apart and was going to need oxygen. But I survived.

The next day (Saturday) I actually wasn't in any pain. No sore muscles, backaches, or cranky joints. I did drive to Colorado Springs for a meeting. This has been a very eye-opening experience and I am questioning a few things about the way I am going about learning to live with RA.

So, what have I done to improve my situation? I have started to take my medications at night. I am starting to believe that taking them at night gives them a better opportunity to work because they aren't having to fight against an active body. I am waking up and not feeling like my fingers are going to break off my hands and my toes are going to stay right on my feet!

Something I don't think I told you is that my brother, Rusty suffers from gout. He has had it now for several years and just was miserable; especially his feet. So, he started to take the tart cherry extract and he said that his gout has all but disappeared AND he hasn't had any episodes of it in a LONGGGGG time. So, I went to Whole Foods and got the extract he recommended and I started taking it tonight. There are 45 doses in this container...I am going to see if it has the same affect on me as it does my brother. BUT that doesn't mean I am stopping my medications. I am enhancing them.

Speaking of medications, Dr. Sean isn't going to write me anymore scrips for Prednisone because he has tweeked the other medications and I do feel that they are working. But I am still needing to get the compression gloves especially for the right hand. Right now, I am getting excited to drop the Prednisone again because that means many symptoms will calm down. The RA is starting to focus into centralized areas- right wrist and ring finger, left ring finger and it is lightly touching everywhere else.

The Wal-Mart project just got another small boost. The software has been purchased to put the website together and now we are ready to proceed to buy the domain name and space from godaddy.com. We have been learning more about webcasts and blogs. The skeleton of the website is done, now we just need ot transfer files over to the new software and finish making it look good. I also bought a few things to help on this challenge. The webcast script is almost finished and then it will go into editing and then pre-production. We are hoping to shoot on the16th of March, edit the webcast and post it on the 19th. March 19th will be here soon and we will be ready to roll on that date.

One final note- I have my SSI telephone interview on Friday, the 29th of this month. They are going to basically grill me over my application and then I should expect a denial letter. Then I will appeal and get it sent to a judge. No expectations or time limits honored on their part expected either...just going with the flow on this one. I will update with the outcome as soon as I get it.

Amazing Day! I was on the Archery Field!!

2010-01-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

For the first time in 1 1/2 years I took stance on an archery range and I LOVED IT!!! I have missed feeling the nocks attaching to the string and hearing that "THWACK" when you stick your target.

I shoot traditional archery- that means no weights, counter balances, sights, NOTHING..just you and the bow and your arrow. You really have to be skilled to shoot traditional and I can hold my own when I am at the top of my game.

Even though I only got to fling 24 arrows (it got too cold for me) I enjoyed every second of it and I am blessed today!

But after getting home, my body started to hurt. BUT it wasn't in the joints, it was because I have been sedentary for so long that it hurts to move. I really liked being outside today and I have missed it. I am hoping that with the new medication adjustments I will get better and stronger. I am still on the Prednisone and dealing with the affects from it. I only have about 2 more weeks of the stuff and hopefully I won't have it anymore.

I really needed today because yesterday was awful. My heart would just start racing for no reason and I had to have my mom drive me home after we had a lovely breakfast up town. I was mad, embarrassed, and I felt helpless because I wanted a day where I just did my thing without people being with me. I wanted to feel normal.

Thursday I go and get the prescriptions and I am making photocopies of them for my disability file and diary. A FB friend suggested that I get a diary to keep everything in, so that what I did and I took it one step further..I got a divided file folder for all correspondance and photocopies. I am making my paper trail to disability.

Because of today, it has really sent my desire to get healthy into overdrive and I am needing to go back to Wal-Mart and do more product research! OH BOY!!

Interesting observation about my RA-

2010-01-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

I have been taking my medication everyday in the morning, but it seems like I don't get relief until around 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I have noticed this on several ocassions and today just proves to me that my RA is the most calm during the swing shift and that seems to be when I get the most work done around the house.

So, I am now trying to figure out how to adjust my schedule to my RA's chill time? For me, the morning time is the absolutely worst time of the day because my body has been laying sedentary and that means the joints stopped moving and that is when the trouble starts. Then when I actually do get moving it takes me forever to get dressed, put shoes on, and the worst part is trying to button my favorite pair of jeans.

I am thinking that maybe when I go to bed, I should wear compression gloves. But I have to buy them first. I have been looking at several styles, but they are so expensive.

Ok, now I have something to REALLY complain about. Because we RA patients get hit with so much fatigue we are constantly laying down, resting, etc. Because of that, our physical fitness levels just plummet. I am wanting my cardio back up on the high side again. I want my legs to stop hurting because I am using them to walk around Wal-Mart.

I am really going to strive to get this body moving once again. Yes, it hurts because I have been fatigued out but dammit I want to shoot archery this summer!!!

OT- Family Project! Food Storage!

2010-01-16T16:41:00.000-08:00

In the wake of all the natural disasters we have had in the last 5 years, it is my desire to create a real food storage in the next place we live. (The garage will not be a garage!) I want to create a food storage area with a place for a 72 hour kit for everyone.

This project will not be part of the normal food budget for my family, but it will take time for it to all be put together. I am thinking that we can start with the kits. The kids are going to save their old school backpacks and use those as starter packs. Waide and I can get largers packs because there will be more stuff we will have to carry in them.

As I have been doing research on 72-hour kits, I am noticing a TON of sugar products. Instant oatmeals, hot chocolate, cold cereal packs, etc. I am thinking that people are going to need things that will carry them through the day with energy and protein. Some of the positive things I have found- beef jerky, trail mixes (no M&M's), fruit cups in natural juices, protein bars, granola bars, and some hard candies. The trick here will be to watch the sugar in the protein and granola bars. The hard candies...you need a lifesaver once in awhile!

Even in these kits, we have to make sure that we are getting complex carbs, protein, and nutrients. So, now I am looking into recipes that will appease the picky eaters, but when you have in crisis that isn't the time to think of your options.

As for food storage, I am planning on starting that this late spring and into the fall because I will be shopping the farmers markets. My mom and I are going to start out by canning pickles! Then we will get into the tomato products (sauce, paste, marinara,etc.) I would also like to start to dehydrate some fruit and make turkey and beef jerky.

So, now I am researching some new things and hopefully I can integrate some of my ideas into my HUGE project that I am currently working on.

I have started the fight.

2010-01-14T18:12:00.000-08:00

I applied for disability today. I am prepared for a long, drawn out battle. I am facing the fact that it hurts to even lift a 1/2 gallon of milk without pain. I need help and I can't get it in our current situation, so I am going to get help from the government. I will definitely keep everyone up-to-date on the status of the fight, so your prayers will be greatly appreciated!

It was a good day until my heart started to race out of my chest and make me go and lay down. I hated this afternoon because now it seems like the flair is trying to make a come back. But at least I got out, walked Wal-Mart, got an oil change on my truck, and my hubby took me out for lunch! OH! I did get a new exercise video today and I am getting excited about working with it. I also bought the Biggest Loser Simple Swaps book and I have gotten some good tips out of it.

Today we went out and scouted out the Wal-Mart for my project and I am planning on going to see the manager next week to talk them about shooting at this store. I have the core of the website marked out and now Waide will start to actually put it together. I need to create some graphics but overall its all good!

I am really hoping that this idea I am working is going to help people because I really feel that today's celebrity fitness "experts" really aren't in touch with the average American. They don't realize that most people really can't afford to shop at Whole Foods and other natural food stores, so they just stay in the food habits they are in.

When we were at Wal-Mart I found SEVERAL items that are recommended to use in our cooking and eating! For example I found plain, vanilla, and blueberry Oikos yogurt! I love using the plain yogurt for cooking- it helps make WONDERFUL mashed potatoes! Most recipes that require sour cream, I am just using the yogurt instead. I am starting to look for more recipes that will fit within healthy serving sizes!

Ok, I am off my blog because I am really tired and I need to rest.

Fired up about something!

2010-01-11T07:53:00.000-08:00

I had an incident on Sunday that made me so angry that I am now even more committed to my project that is LAUNCHING MARCH 19th that I can't wait.

I won't go into details but needless to say, I haven't been this fired in a long time. I have been working like crazy to get the first script for the podcast ready to run and video next month. We are developing the website through the trial software because we have to wait for 2 weeks until we get the money to buy the software. We have 30 days of trial time!

I am also planning on taking some of our tax return money to purchase a treadmill, a spin bike, some more Wii exercise games, and some better workout clothing including new athletic shoes and this is for all my family members. (Yes, I am still steaming)

We have already started to work on the recipe page as well. Something I am taking into consideration is how many people have had gastric bypass to combat their obesity ( I am included in this statistic, too) and I am going to try and make the recipes pouch-friendly as well. Trial and error coming up in the R&D recipe section.

I am getting excited about my project because I have received mostly positive comments and a few negative. But I am just taking all of these comments and I am going to use them to make the best possible experiment that people CAN shop for healthy foods in Wal-Mart and on budget for a typical family of 4. Wal-Mart does have a bad reputation for its hiring practices, working conditions, etc., but your choices of shopping is limited or worse yet a budget that is spider web thin, you go where you get the most for your money.

RA Update- I have forgotten to tell everyone what I am taking for the RA. I am taking 17.5 mg of Methotrxate, 600 mg Plaquenil, and 10 mg of Prednisone. I haven't take a Tramadol in a few days and I have only taken an Ibuprofen once in the past couple of days. I have about 16 more Prednisone and that is done.

My brother (age 33) suffers with Gout and he is taking tart cherry supplements and he has said that he is no longer in pain and the gout is almost not even there. I am going to add this to my supplements and hopefully this will keep everything under control like it is for my brother. I want to get this stuff under control without having to resort to getting a very expensive medication that I can't afford.

A special for of RA support- My Facebook Friends!

2010-01-09T18:04:00.000-08:00

I started on Facebook early last year and I just thought it was a neat site to meet new people and play games. I didn't realize that I would meet brothers and sisters of RA. When I came onto Facebook, I didn't have a support group to help me answer my questions about RA. So, I started to find places where RA people spoke their journey with RA and I knew I was on the right track.

Now 11 months later after diagnosis, I know that I am not alone in this fight. It is a great comfort to know that I have those wonderful people in cyber land that know EXACTLY how I am feeling because they are going through it, too.

I decided that when the diagnosis came, I wasn't going to shut up about RA. I was going to shout it from the rooftops that this is a nasty disease and everyone is vulnerable to its havoc on the body. I want to get the message out that this disease isn't in our head, but in our joints and we have tests that prove it and medication that can bankrupt us.

Oh! I am going off the Prednisone again because of the bumped up medication. I don't even know how many more I have but I am hoping that we got enough Plaquenil and Methotrexate in the bloodstream to keep the symptoms down where I can function. I am also going to look forward to the fact that I will not be swelling from the medications anymore!

I have to be honest, when I started to deal with life involving RA I thought it was over. But now with my project that I am working on, it has given me a sense of purpose once again. It has also given me the much needed motivation to get up and start living again. BUT I am taking baby steps. I am really TRYING HARD not to push myself, but I want to get back to where I am in control.

This year is going to be spent in getting me back into a healthy state of mind and a healthier body.

We have started working on my project and RA update!

2010-01-08T19:16:00.000-08:00

RA UPDATE- The RA is acting wierd. I think maybe the medications are wanting to start working because I don't have any symptoms in my feet or knees. It is focusing mainly in the right hand and 1 finger on the left hand. I am not as fatigued as I was before Christmas. My activity level has risen and I have actually been cooking once again. It feels good to be in the kitchen once again! I am not depending so much on the Tramadol as I once did...maybe one every, other day but mainly when the pain hits...Ibuprofen.

I really hope that I am on my way back to feeling like I did over the summer. It is wierd but right now we are going through this nasty cold snap and I am not bitching about my RA being affected by the cold. Because it is just TOO DARN COLD!! I have been very cautious about going out in public right now in the middle of cold and flu season because of the medications I am taking; I don't want to get sick. For the next few weeks I am going to be even more observant of my symptoms and see if the RA is backing down.

I am getting so excited about this challenge that I have set before myself and I have assembled my team-

Waide (my beloved)- My website administrator and the guy I bounce ideas off of to see if they even seem plausible.
Charlotte (my mom)- She is my research department head. She is really good at finding new products, researching recipes and giving me good ideas! Mom has already contributed a vast wealth of knowledge and experience.
Braden (my son)- Braden noted to me that kids need to learn the value of a dollar in regards to the value of food. He is planning on going to culinary arts school after graduation and he wants to bring the kids' perspective to this project.

I have a few other people in mind to help with consultation on this project. Waide has requested that we push the launch date back to March because we need to order some software and establish the domain and website. He also needs to look into how lock streaming video and podcasts into the website. Yes, I said podcasts!! I am very excited about this part of the challenge because with my aspirations of wanting to lose 100 lbs in a year, video doesn't lie and you will be able to see if I eating right and exercising!

We have started to plan out the website on paper and its contents. We want to make this website user friendly as possible and as time goes on somewhat interactive. (Meaning- you get to submit ideas, recipes, etc.)

So, now I am working on script development for the first webcast. I have a good idea on what I want to say and how I want it presented. But something I do have trouble with is timing the script.

I Learned Something About Myself Through a Movie

2010-01-07T03:15:00.000-08:00

As you read my last blog, I am dealing with dieting issues. What makes it complicated is I LOVE to cook. Most women I know get excited over a new pair of shoes or a clearance sale at some mall. For me, getting the King Arthur Magazine in the mail or visiting a store that is dedicated to nothing but cooking gadgets, pots, pans, and spices...well I get all excited! My palms get sweaty and I get that happy glow like a little kid at Christmas time!! THEN I love grocery stores! When I get to travel, I love going to local stores and seeing what they have. I love to look at the colors of veggies, smell pungent cheeses, and stare at perfect cuts of meat; all the while wondering- "What can I make with it all?"

It is quiet here in the house at 4 am and I will finally admit it- my passion in life outside of my husband and kids is cooking. I am a cook to the soul.

This omission is coming off the heels of watching "Julie&Julia", realizing that I in a way am like Julia Child..a cook and I love it!

BUT there are some things in the world of cooking that I don't like, especially in regards to healthy cooking. To me, it is limited, bland, time consuming, and not enough imagination. To me, the healthy cooking industry only knows the following words- hummus, salmon, tofu, tempeh, chicken, TONS of exotic veggies, and NO DAIRY!! Bread is totally out of the question because you need to eat flat bread or pita. WHAT?? Give me a break! The average American doesn't eat these kinds of foods but they are willing to eat better as long as it fits into their budget.

When you look at the food industry, it is FLOODED with tons of cookbooks that tell you how to eat healthy, but they don't take into account that most people don't have an unlimited budget. Most peoples' budgets are Walmart budgets.

Here is what I want to do- I want to create meals using only things I purchase from Walmart that are healthy, minimal preservatives, and that rock the taste buds for around 350-400 calories per meal and 150-200 calories per snack. That is approximately 1500-1600 calories a day.

Lets discover exactly WHAT Wal-Mart has to offer on those shelves other than chips, candy, cookies, and fried chicken with the toilet paper and diapers!!!

Let me know what you think about my idea!

Getting Serious about another matter in my life...weight loss

2010-01-06T16:12:00.000-08:00

First, I really hate this roller coaster of dealing with my weight. I have been overweight since the age of 7 and I am a compulsive, emotional eater. I have done practically every weight loss game out there including gastric bypass surgery. But it is still the stone in my shoe.

My hometown- Florence, Colorado only has about 3100 people. There is no Starbucks, 24 hour fitness, Whole Foods Market, etc. We are a small community with 1 grocery store (it is pretty good) 2 convenience stores, and several resturants that don't cater to a healthier lifestyle. I love Florence, but there are some drawbacks. There is a workout facility, but it is in Canon City and their facility just doesn't interest me. There is a walking track by the middle school, but it is a tad cold for me right now.

BUT my biggest problem ISN'T the lack of stores or facilities, it is my family. My daughter Chloe is all for the healthier lifestyle, but it is son and husband that that throwing the road blocks. My son will eat us out of house and home. We are all snackers and junk food junkies. Our favorite things to eat is chips/dip and drinking tons of soda. Hubby doesn't like several veggies that are good for you and that is frustrating for me as a cook because I don't believe in cooking everyone their special meal every time.

-YOU EAT WHAT IS IN FRONT OF YOU, I DON'T RUN A DINER!!

It seems like when I want to start working on my weight everyone is all for it, but they WANT ME to figure out the menus, MAKE THEM exercise, and do it for them. That isn't my job, because I have to work on me. Because every time I start a true endeavor to lose weight, the word SABOTAGE comes to mind.

So, what do I do?

I mean I have all the tools- weight loss books galore, a Nintendo Wii for workouts, a Brita water system (good, clean water is needed for everyone!) I have the motivation and the inspiration, but why can't I follow through? I think that I am tired of failing because I don't have any in-person support (online support is good!)

But I have made some small steps towards getting healthier.

1. I am almost out of soda and after that I am not going to buy anymore. This is a hard one for me, because this is my vice. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, but I love soda.

2. BANNING potato chips and dip. The only time we will have chips in the house is for when we make taco salads.

3. Starting to do more research into more eating plans and develop something that works for me. I am actually looking into more serious menu planning and food journaling. Although since moving home, we don't eat out as much as we used to because we only have access to Carl's Jr., Subway, and Dominos. We prefer to make our own pizzas and only get the 3.99 special on Wednesday for pizza. Carl's Jr is mainly for breakfast going out of town, and Subway is pretty good when we make good choices. For me, turkey breast with TONS of veggies (including banana peppers) or when I want to get wild a seafood sandwich. But I only get a 6 inch sandwich...anything bigger is a meal for 2 days!

4. Looking to develop my living room into a gym. I have enough space for a treadmill and a stationary bike. I love these 2 pieces of equipment. I also have the Biggest Loser video game and it is pretty fun. I am searching Craigslist for the stuff I need.

5. Purging the pantry and the refrigerator. I am wanting this summer when the farmers markets start to pop up again, start getting the fresh veggies and freezing them or creating things like spaghetti sauce that can be canned. I am finding that some things that we like to eat can be preserved at the fraction of the cost. Afterall, I do a Freezer Mate system that needs to be used!

I am aiming to start my own program at the first of February. I need time to get organized and focused. I am also enlisting the help of my mom. She is pretty good at this stuff and I really need her guidance. I also need her to run interference in between me and my family!

I really need to make a serious committment to this because I have to help my joints in every way possible for best health. So, I am starting down that road AGAIN!!

I Gotta Keep My Hands Moving!

2010-01-04T15:47:00.000-08:00

Last night I broke down and cried out of frustration. I am hating the fact that the RA has settled into my hands and it is taking away the time and opportunity for me to work on things that I love to do. I have several hobbies that have taken a huge hit because I can't get my hands to work.

So, today I decided that come hell or high water I was going to work on my projects. While these projects will be given to others, they have a great deal more meaning to me. Because these projects represent the fact that I am fighting back against the RA in the best way I know...my art projects.

Here at home these are the following crafts that I like to work on-

Inkle Weaving
Scroll making (Illumination)
Bead work
Hand stitching
Sewing in general (this is the one that REALLY needs work!)
And of course COOKING!!!

I am truly tired of just laying around and spending WAY too much time on Facebook. I am wanting to not spend so much time online. But I do need to get a work light for me to sit on the couch and do my beading and hand stitching.

I am going to start the process of being declared disabled.

Because of the medication I am constantly fatigued and the medication is used to control the pain and swelling.
I do have bouts of Malaise and those are unpredictable and there is no control over them.
I have no medical insurance to help me get better.

So, tomorrow I am going to fill out the online application for disability. I realize that I am going to get turned down the first time, so I will have to start to look for an attorney. I am going to get copies of my medical records for the hearing from both doctors. I can get all my medical records for the documentation.

Now it begins.

At a Crossroads...Not sure what to do.

2010-01-04T14:38:00.000-08:00

Just a short 14 months ago, I KNEW exactly what I wanted to do and I was taking the steps to accomplish my goal.

I was going to Wichita State University majoring in business and I was working on my Josh Groban project. I was writing proposals, negotiating deals, working with community businesses while studying marketing, management, etc. I was on my way to going to work in the non-profit sector.

But now, I have a different path set before me and I am not sure exactly what that path is. School has been put on hold because of the side effects of my RA medication. I can't work because I can't stand for more than 10 minutes and the fatigue makes where I have to take 1-2 naps a day. Also, the RA has decided that its primary focus is attacking my hands. That REALLY sucks because of all the neat things I love to do!

I am still interested in politics, spinning/weaving, cooking, art projects, sewing, etc. But for me, several of those interests take TONS of energy and there are days I don't even make it out of bed!! I am seriously considering talking to my doctor and getting declared disabled because I can't afford the biologics that I need to lift me back to a higher quality of life. I also suffer from bipolar and that makes things REALLY interesting. However, I have noticed that because I have become so focused on the RA the bipolar symptoms have kinda taken a back seat.

Reflections on 2009 and Hopes for 2010

2009-12-31T11:43:00.000-08:00

2009 wasn't a bad year, but it wasn't a good year. Here are the highlights:

Waide's unemployment. For the first 4 months of 2009, my beloved was like so many other people in this country..without a job. When we went into social services to get assistance, they didn't know what to do with Waide because our family didn't fit the typical social service family. But they helped us with medical, food, and utlities, as well as the family assistance stipend; we made it through until Waide started working once again. To date- he is still employed. We did have a scare a couple of weeks ago, but through his moxie he kept his job.

Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis. February 20, 2009. That is the day that I knew my life would never be the same again. I learned that I have a disease in which my very own blood cells attacks my body thinking everyone else is the enemy. It has been quite the adjustment for everything. I am no longer angry about having RA, because I am too busy dealing with it...everything from the medications, fatigue, lose of strength, etc. It is absolute maddening! I found a clinic that can help me get the medical assistance that I need, but because I don't live in THAT county, they can't help me. So, next week I am going to go and get a PO BOX # in Colorado Springs to get on their system for services. I am going to get the proper treatment in 2010!!

Moved back to Colorado in July. That was the happiest day in 2009! I was coming home where I belong. For the first week or so, it was really wierd to think that we finally got the opportunity to come home with Waide working. At first, I felt like a fish out of water but then just like that familiar pair of flip flops stuck at the back of the closet it alls still fits. My kids are happier because they are near family and friends. I am not so stressed out all the time because I can call my mom for her to cheer me up and help me get through a rough spot. My beloved is near his family supporting and encouraging them. Shoot! Waide started a brand-new Pokemon League here in Florence and it is growing! They are going to expand the advertisement to Canon City now!! It was a good thing that we moved back because this is our home and where we belong. It has been tough economically but we have been holding our own.

Turning 40. What can I say but so far being 40 isn't all that bad. I have had many people tell me that I don't look 40 let alone act 40. My thought is HOW is a 40 year-old supposed to act? So, I am just going to continue to be me!

Now, what is some of the things we are looking at in 2010?

Waide is turning 40!
Braden starts high school.

Here are my thoughts on 2010-

Ok, I don't make resolutions because you are doomed to fail. So, instead I am going to post my goal list for 2010. I work on them and see what happens. To me, goals are meant to push you in a positive manner goals=rewards.

1. I AM going to get all the paperwork done, jump the hoops to get on Simponi. I want the RA to go to sleep for a VERY long time.

2. Go to all of my favorite SCA events whether as an Inn Keeper or just a spectator at the event. Either way, I will have fun!

3. Kick a soda addiction. RA raises the risk of developing type 1 Diabetes. I have travelled the diabetes road before and I really resented that one.

4. Work on me. I have put myself last so much and now with RA, I can't do that anymore. So, I guess it will be ok to do something nice just for me. This one is the going to be the hardest.

5. Work on other dreams and artwork that I want to create. There is so much in this world that I want to learn and experience, so I just can't allow my RA speed bump slow me down too much.

6. Get more kitchen gadgets! BUT more importantly I want to focus on serving plates/platters and bowls!

Birthday was great..I am officially 40...now what?

2009-11-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

Halloween was fun! The kids didn't get a lot of candy this year, but we are trying to control the candy stuff. Chloe got her first opportunity to knock on someone's door and say Trick or Treat!

It was so nice yesterday for my birthday that we got to sit outside and have lunch! It was fantastic because for the first time in a long time, I was with my mom and that made the day for me!

The gifties were good, too! Tons of Itunes credit, an Edward Cullens singing b-day card, the Biggest Loser Nintendo game, jumbo muffin tins from Pennsylvania (gag gift from mom), and a couple of t-shirts from the in-laws.

Ok, the party is over and I am officially 40...so now what? Well, it doesn't feel any different than 39 but give it time, I am sure that it will kick in!

First, thing is that I am still in college and I still have homework. So, I am working on that one. In fact, my ethics class starts today. I love classes like these because you study more in-depth the good, the bad, and Enron! Basically, what these classes remind me everyday is that I have to stick to my morals and good character because those just might keep me out of ANY federal investigation!

RA update- I am on day 2 of being off the Prednisone. I am a little sore but that is what Ibuprofen is for. Mainly, I have had a huge headache and it just won't go away! The swelling from the water gain is going down and I am starting to feel like I don't have to eat the whole entire house out! Maybe now I can start to really concentrate on getting my health back and feeling like a real person.

Realizing that we only have 2 more months in 2009 (thank God!) I am looking forward to 2010. It is my hope that next year will be graduation from college around Christmas time. Braden will be a freshman in high school, Chloe will be in 2nd grade, and I am PRAYING that Waide's contract goes permanent.

It is hard being in this family when you have one who has RA, one who has Narcolepsy, and one who has ADHD. The medication costs can and will kill a horse! So, we continue to struggle in this area of life.

I am hoping to start walking more at the end of this week because the Prednisone will be less of a distraction and I can start to build my energy back up as well as my endurance!

Ok, I am off to do some reading for school and possibly some other type of homework!

More Reflections of Life and more life to come!

2009-10-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

This truly has been a week of change and reflection for me.

I have been looking at my life from earliest memory to yesterday and alls I can say is that it has been a busy life! But today, I have been thinking about the people who have come in and out of my life. My mom taught me a philosophy a long time ago- When a person comes into your life they are either going to teach you something or you are going to be their teacher...only time will show you what is going on.

I have been blessed to be able to travel and move around our country and to have met some amazing people who have had a great influence on me and my life. Some of my most treasured friendships have come from Georgia. I am still good friends with my middle school best friend Steve. Our friendship has been solid since 1980. I even got the opportunity later to go back and see Steve as an adult. I value his love and support for me for always and I will always love and cherish Steve. Then the other treasure of Georgia who touched my life was Ms. Birdie. She taught me more about life than anyone else. She was my grandma when my grandma couldn't be there for me. She was my shelter from all the storms from being a military brat. She gave me a sense of normalcy in my life. This woman was wise beyond her years and the kindest woman I knew. She supported me in my piano lessons, homework, and just life in general.

Now the new gems added to my treasure chest of gems. Nikki and Rebecca. We all suffer from RA and we are able to support and encourage each other through Facebook. We are able to talk about this disease openly and honestly to each other and know what we are saying is understood. We are also able to laugh with one another because as I have learned recently laughter is so important when dealing with a chronic disease. So Nikki keep posting your videos and Rebecca keep posting your Mick fantasies and I will keep smiling!

One of my friends and I have kinda parted ways this week. We just don't have time for each other in our lives and our priorities have changed. Her sister-in-law is battling a rare form of cancer and her and her brother had to watch their mother pass through this life battling cancer, so their lives are extremely complicated. So, while I will not see this friend actively I will leave the porch light on for her to come and visit because she opened my eyes up to a whole world of exploration in the textiles and created a passion and excitement to explore and to create on my own.

So now what? There are more people for me to meet in this world! There are more lessons for me to either teach to others or learn from those in the know! I am thankful for my friends that I have in my life and I do hope that they know how much I love them.

My thoughts about turning 40 later this week

2009-10-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

RA Update- THIS IS MY LAST WEEK ON PREDNISONE!!! Come November 1st and I will not have to deal with that drug hopefully EVER again! I am so happy!! No more swelling, water retention, round face, and fatigue! I am ready to get my energy back and not feel so loopy and out of it!!

Overall, the RA is really calming down and getting back in its dark corner. I haven't been taking Tramadol for the RA, but for the torn calf muscle. Most of you know that I am not a person who can even stand taking tylenol, so my family is having a field day with me being a pain killers and Mucinex! Sorry, no video!

I started my online classes this week and I am not too sure about them. It will take me awhile to make the switch from the classroom to the online setting. But at least I can go to class in my jammies!

I am having a 40th birthday party and I have told everyone that it is Josh Groban - themed! We have a birthday tradition of favorite meal and here is what I am having for my b-day dinner... huge veggie and greens salad, homemade French onion soup, and Italian lemon cake.

I am hoping that my head cold will be gone. It has almost moved out of my chest and now it is just the last little bit. I am also trying to get my leg healed up as well. Waide says I tore a muscle and it sure feels like it because it has been more than a week since injury and it hasn't healed yet.

I remember when my aunt was getting ready to turn 40...you would think the world was coming to an end. Geez! But thinking about it, most women that I have known has treated turning 40 like catching the plague and I don't understand that one.

My attitude is completely different. I am embracing the fact that I am going into my 40's and there have even been a major attitude shift. I am to the point where I have been closing a lot of open circles, confronting issues that I have needed to face, and trying to make my life more simple. I honestly feel like I am truly walking into the start of the prime of my life and I am excited about it.

I remember when I turned 30, I was thanking God to get out of my 20's because that decade is the one I deem the "stupid decade." This is the decade where people think that they are all that and that they think because they are now legal, they really do know everything. BS to the 10th degree! When you are in your 20's, you don't know a damn thing! Some of us in our 20's got their degree and that just showed they could be taught and trained like monkeys.

Then when we got to our 30's, we learned the routine on how life works. But in our 40's, I believe that we can actually take the knowledge and experience we have gained and earned and really show our prowess. However, being home has taught me one valuable lesson...no matter how old you get, there are some people in life that will never get out of the stupid decade thinking and they will always be that way. Sad, very sad.

I am starting my birthday celebration on Thursday with our SCA friends doing a fundraiser for our indoor fighter practice site! I am making brownies, bread, pies, and a ton of other stuff...including red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting to share with everyone for my b-day! I am excited because I am finally home to spend my birthday with friends and family!

Let the celebration week begin!!

School starts tomorrow for me...online classes.

2009-10-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

Statistics and Ethical Decision Making. Those are the 2 classes I am starting to hopefully get my degree done by Christmas of next year. (This also taking the summer out for kiddos- unless I can find a grant writing class over the summer!)

I have been working on my bachelors degree now for over 20 years and I AM SICK OF SCHOOL!! I want a job, with a office and voicemail. Waide is going back to work on his degree- Masters of Computer Science.

This has been over 1/2 of my life pursuing this dream and I am not sure how I will react when I can walk that graduation stage to receive my degree. I have dreamt of that day for so long, that now I don't even go there because it hasn't come to pass.

I feel like I have sacrificed a lot in order to achieve this impending degree that it probably won't sink in until I have to start paying student loans back. That is what sucks the most, is that Waide and I have put so much into education that we will need an economic bailout. But do you think we will get help in that department? NO!

I keep hanging onto the quote- "If you think education is expensive, try ignorance." I know that education is important and I am showing my kids that if you hang in there and work hard enough, it will pay off. I also know that no one can take my college degree away from me and it is something I don't share with anyone else. It is strictly mine.

But 21 years? My degree will be legal to drink!!

As of tomorrow, I will be continuing my degree at Regis University as a Senior, majoring in organizational management. Let the fun begin because these are my very first online classes.

This has been a ROUGH week dealing with RA

2009-10-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

This past week has drained me on so many levels that it is hard to articulate everything that I am feeling. But the biggest thing I am dealing with is- fatigue.

My on-going major issue is dealing with the stresses of raising a teenaged son. He and I are experiencing some growing pains, but with him the light bulb does come on sooner or later. But I learned about something that my son is learning about in AMERICAN HISTORY and it has really pissed me off.

It seems that his teacher in American History thinks that Cristo (The supposed Artist who is getting ready to trash the drive to Salida with his crap) is part of the discussion. My son said that they spent 1 week covering the Revolutionary War to Civil and then 2 WEEKS on Cristo.

Cristo is a Bulgarian by birth and then later in life became a stateless person and Paris excepted him. (Should have seen that one coming...)

Where does this Faux artist fit into a 7th grade AMERCIAN HISTORY CLASS? Why isn't my son learning about Georgia O'Keefe, James Whistler, Daniel Chester French, Mark Twain, Ansel Adams, John Steinbeck, and Ernest Hemingway?

So, now as his parents we have to give outside instruction on REAL American History. I mean our kids are already getting history lessons through the Society for Creative Anachronism or sca.org. What the hell are we paying some of these teachers for when they can't even follow their own rubrics??? So, this week is going to be an intresting week, because I am just daring this idiot to mention this vermon that thrush himself on the real artist community.

Ok, I will admit it... I have been pushing myself super hard but I honestly don't know how to slow down. I have to be doing something and a lot of something. So, because of that I imploded yesterday. Basically, driving home from Pueblo I just about passed out. Chloe and I didn't get to finish our shopping day and that made me angry. I don't get to spend a lot of time with her because she is a girl on the go and it made me angry that because of medications, fatigue, bad sleep patterns, not eating enough protein, high stress caused by family member(S)... I couldn't take it anymore.

So, I did make it home to come and collapse for 4 hours. Then we as a family got together and went out for dinner and shopping. For once, I felt like I wasn't doing everything myself and it felt good.

I am trying to slow down but I just feel like I can't. I have to be moving and going because there are too many things I need to finish or start. But I after this week, I am really re-thinking some things I do.

However, today I have the windows to my home open, bright sunshine coming through the windows and gentle breezes circulating fresh air all through out the house. Lunch is on its way and I think I might sit outside and enjoy my sandwich there or I just might sit at my desk and chill.

Either way, I am trying to relax today.

I am in a COMPLETELY creative mood!

2009-10-11T14:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have been busy and it feel good to have my hands working once again. I am in the process of creating my personal banner for the SCA and then start sewing garb for my family! Those pictures will be soon, too!

Anyway, my hands have been sore but I have bee forcing them to work and just push the medications to do their jobs as well. Each day, the pain is getting less and I am wanting do more with my body. I am starting to overcome the fatigue which I hope gets less and less soon because I have a HUGE winter season sewing list that I need to get done by the end of February because we have a great event to attend and we want to look our very best!

I feel like I am getting my life back and it feels great! The thing that I am having trouble with is slowing down but I am starting to listen to my body for when I need to sleep. My cat also lets me know that, too! Here is something about our cat- he has always been protective of me and now that I have RA, he never leaves my side and hates it when I leave the house because he can't do his job to protect me. I appreciate that but it does get annoying.

Now, my thoughts about school. It starts the 19th and ya know what? I am sooooo tired of going to school to get my degree! I really need to graduate and find a job to do something with this degree or go onto my masters program in Non-profit organization management. But I am really getting burned out because I have been going now for 21 years and it is draining. So, in January I am going to sit down with my counselor and nail this down once and for all. But at least I am a senior!

Ok, today is a good day!

RA isn't a serious enough disease to warrant compassion from others... so sad

2009-10-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

There has been something bothering me for quite some time and that is the lack of sympathy and/or empathy towards a person who has RA.

Earlier this year when I told certain family members that I have a CHRONIC, AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASE that has no cure, I was hurt by their reaction. It was like a told them I had a splinter in my finger and that is wasn't really that serious enough for them to say- "I'm sorry."

Rheumatoid Arthritis has little in common with osteoarthritis because with OA, your white blood cells don't turn around and attack what is good in your body to the point if left untreated you are severly deformed.

However, when these same family members have something happen to them the world needs to stop and pay attention to them and only them. I know we all have those people in our lives and honestly, I think they are more toxic than the diseases we endure.

But there are two people I would like to tell you about who give me encouragement and they really don't even know it. That is my brother-in-law Eric and my husband Waide. Eric was diagnosed with MS a long time ago and my heart sank for him. But through everything, he has dealt with the MS with class and taking lifes' challenges head on even when the pain is almost too overwhelming to handle.

When I got my diagnosis earlier this year, my thoughts immediately centered on Eric. Thinking about everything he has to go through to keep the MS at bay is tough and I needed to use him as a role model for handling his physical challenge in life. So, when I get down or frustrated; my thoughts settle back on Eric and Eric's attitude of "just keep moving." Then I just keep moving.

Narcolepsy. Everyone LOVES to make fun of this disease. But it isn't too funny when you find out that parts of your brain is dying and/or already dead. This disease is more than just falling asleep anywhere, everywhere- it is a disease that takes your freedom.

My husband Waide has narcolepsy and he too is one of my quiet strengths. He is often frustrated that when we take a family trip, I have to do all the driving because he might fall asleep at the wheel. When we have moved the past few times and we did it U-HAUL style, we had to super-charge our son up on caffeine to talk Waide to keep him awake, while stopping every so often to make sure he is fine. Then once we are settled, he can't really drive out of the area because of a restricted license. Again, this is another disease that has no cure.

But he is my strength because he does push himself extra hard to not let narcolepsy bother him too much. You can tell that it is taking a toll on his body because he is looking older than he should, but he is still my gentle giant with lots of gray hairs!

These 2 men give strength and comfort when I need it by their quiet actions and deeds. I am truly blessed to have the support system I do have and I also grateful for those same people for being there for our kids. Chloe keeps praying for a cure because she wants momma to play with her outside. She is the one who has been the most affected by this because she sees how the medications just beat me to a pulp. I am sad that my daughter has a broken mother. But my children carry hope when I have none on that day.

So, to all those people in our lives that doesn't really think RA is such a big deal or those in the world who are ignorant enough to make fun of people challenged with chronic diseases, I say to you- "Piss up a rope!"

And to those of you who understand and are compassionate- thank you.

The House is now quiet and I can think about the Future

2009-10-07T18:43:00.000-07:00

Today was a beautiful autumn day in Southern Colorado and I got outside with my tutoring kids and watch them build a ladybug house out of twigs, branches, dirt and leaves.

But today I am also very tired. I had extreme amounts of stress going through my body because of my son and the fighting with him takes my energy so quick and it is frustrating. BUT I am know that soon enough, he and I will be able to go the full rounds of Teenager boxer and HE WILL LOSE!!

It has been a week since the new meds were put into my system and I am only having problems with the finger joints, swelling, and fatigue. Other than that, I am going up and down the stairs easier (17 of them!), but I am still kinda enclosed in the house....just not wanting to go out yet and face the public too much.

Since running out of medication, I got addicted to Facebook and now by my 40th birthday I don't want this addiction. However, it will be starting early on breaking the addiction because I start back to college on October 19th taking 2 classes and then in January, going the distance on everything. Full college load from the comforts of my office chair! Yeah, I am thinking some of it is REALLY going to suck.

But for me, life has to be going at MACH 1 because if I slow down, I will lose my mind. I will let all the little problems that are surrounding take control of the panic button and then I will just plain freak out.

Here in a couple of weeks is my 40th birthday and I honestly can't wait to turn 40. Because I look at your 40's as being that time where you start to recognize your value to the human race if you stop to take a look for a minute. To me, your 40's is where you start to think about giving back to those who helped you or maybe mentor those that need guidance and assurance to get them to where they want to go in life.

I guess that is why I have opened a tutoring center in my home and I am an organizational management major. I have almost a compulsion of sorts to be able to help those in need or work with other non-profit organizations. My favorite thing in the world to do is fundraising. However, I don't like to do things for PTA/PTO, boy and girl scouts, etc., because the money you raise doesn't get to the people who need it the most...the kids.

If I were to look in the world and tell you what I would like my dream job to be- here it is. Grants and gifts coordinator for a college or university. Ever since I got to work with the Alumni office at Wichita State on my Josh Groban project, I really became interested in what they do. They are the ones who raises the money for people to go to school on scholarship. That to me, is the ultimate definition of paying it forward. Investing in a college education to give a person the chance to make a difference. TOO COOL in my book.

I really feel like this is my calling in life, to work to raise monies for scholarships. I want to take a grant writing class and be able to write the best grant applications that those committees have ever seen. Contacting the alumni and begging for their pennies, etc., I get a certain high off of fund-raising and I love it. I am ready to move on and get a grown-up job, but for now I still have to complete my degree and give my assistance to those who need it right now and that it my students.

On the Road to Recovery

2009-10-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

I finally got into see our family doctor that we had before we left Colorado 5 years ago. My RA medications were adjusted and new scripts created. THANK THE HEAVENS!!!

I was getting to the point where I was starting to stay in bed and rely upon only Tramadol and Ibuprofen to get through the day.

But today I am really angry. We have access to healthcare coverage but we can't afford it. So, now everything is out-of-pocket and it is frustrating.

It is pissing me off because while everyone is debating healthcare, people are suffering and not having a good, quality of life. For example, the average cost for the biologic medication is 1500.00 per injection. Insurance companies might cover 2/3 of it max, but that still leaves 500.00. I can think that 500.00 is peoples' rent, food, or utlities. We shouldn't be charged this ridculous prices for our health. Because if we are dead, the insurance companies and the drug companies go out of business, too.

The insurance company has it all backwards...keep their stuff cheap, we buy more, and keep them in business.

It is frustrating for our family- I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, Waide has Narcolepsy (One of his meds is Provigil and each pill is 10.00...when it first came out is was 30.00), and our son has a mild case of ADHD and that requires Concerta. Concerta is a restricted drug and still expensive.

This world is getting sick and pathetic. People are trying to get laws passed to penalize obese people, we have people dying because they can't get their medications and access to healthcare. Who are these lawmakers trying to protect? Are they trying to create a the perfect race of Americans? Didn't Hitler try that in Germany?

Are American lawmakers and business people trying to eliminate the obese, the sick, the elderly? Hitler's seed is now blooming in the United States via healthcare and insurance companies. Interesting tactic and here in the US, it could possibly succeed.

Could you imagine the government telling your that it is time for you to die because you are old, fat, or diseased? Doesn't that go against the very threads of the Constitution? Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness?

Ponder those sombering words.

Even having RA, still means we deal with life

2009-09-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

My life has been taking some interesting turns lately...

1. I am still unable to get to a doctor because we can't afford it and I am just about completely out of medication. I am going to try AGAIN to work our finances where I can go to the doctor's office this week.

2. My son actually got to play in the middle school football game and his confidence is over the moon. This is a 180 from this time last year, because this is around the time that the HS kid pulled a gun on him for a .99 lunchable. What a difference time and moving will make.

3. Speaking of my son, we are starting to deal with a girlfriend and this one, I am not too crazy about his choice. But we have talked and he has agreed to be just really good friends. That I can live with! Besides, he has asked to have a co-ed party for his b-day. This one ought to be interesting.

See, no matter what the circumstance of your condition or illness...life continues. The laundry has to be done, the meals have to be prepared, the house has to be cleaned, the bills has to be paid, etc. So, while I have RA my life doesn't stop it keep going. In fact, knowing that I have all those things to do really helps me focus on my life to show that I am fighting back in some form or fashion.

It was 7 months ago that I was diagnosed and I have made peace with knowing that I have rheumatoid arthritis. In fact, I am starting to use it to challenge myself. RA tells me I can't do this, but I SAY I can do it! Yes my feet are swollen and hurt, my hands feel like they are on fire and I am really tired but I am still folding my laundry because on this challenge; the RA isn't going to win this round!

Somewhere along the line without having an Oprah moment, I started to realize all the things I CAN do, instead of dwelling on the things I can't do. Ya know.. that is something that frustrates me with some people... when they have a chronic illness, they give up. WRONG ANSWER!

Most recently, we lost Patrick Swayze to cancer and it was quite sad. But the most amazing thing about his battle is that he DIDN'T give up..he fought until his very last breath. To me, he is my hero because he took it head on and he did as much as he could for himself, but was humble enough to say when he needed assistance. So, from now on when I am feeling like the world owes me because I am feeling sorry for myself, I am going to think about Patrick and his never give in attitude. ~~ Thank you Patrick for being my inspiration to learn how to live with RA.

We have been home now for 2 months and it now feels like when you slip into those favorite slippers or jeans...it just feels good! Now that we are settled into our new home, we can start getting out and seeing our friends all up and down the front range when time and money will permit.

But here is something positive- I will be starting my tutoring business tomorrow! I have 3 elementary kids and 1 high schooler coming after school for extra help. So, that will help in the income department. I also MIGHT be tutoring a Chinese immigrant who needs help with their English vocabulary to help them pass the citizenship test when they get to that point of the process. No, I don't speak Chinese but I have flashcards! They have the Chinese word and the picture, and I tell them the English word.

I am also working on a few other things to get a certain job that hasn't come open yet but I want to be the first one to have the best shot at this job! Please keep us in your prayers!

Then finally, I am back in school! I start 10/19 and I am getting excited about being back in class. These are online classes but I am up for the challenge! I can't wait to start filling my head with higher academics once again because that means I will be closer to graduation!! I have stopped predicting when I will graduate because I think I am taking the thought that I want to be surprised!

So, despite me almost out of medication, dealing with teenager issues, tight budgets, and school... I am still in there fighting because life is too precious to let a chronic ailment put you on the sidelines.

I hope you have a great day!

PS- This is my first fresh peach pie I have ever made! The filling was good, but the crust needs all-purpose flour and not white-whole wheat flour...made the crust too heavy.

Back to School on October 19th!

2009-09-06T14:49:00.000-07:00

First congratulations to all my friends in Vatavia for a wonderful weekend of Valor! Sounds like it was a wonderful time to be had and a huge Huzzah to now Lord Lachlan! You and your beloved are just too cool!

Anyway, I did say that school for me starts back up on the 19th of October. I am taking my classes online because I can't afford to drive to Colorado Springs 2 nights a week for classes and I wouldn't get home until almost 11. But I am looking forward to this part of my journey to getting my bachelors degree. After this semester, I only have 10 more classes to go and I will be finished. I still will only take 4 classes a semester but at Regis the classes go really fast because you only take them for 8 weeks at a time.

I like that more focused pace because we get the information, do the work, and move on. But I am toying with the idea of adding a bachelors certification onto the whole thing as well. I am thinking of taking the certificate track of public administration, where I can develop into the the public service area for a job. I am PRAYING that when I graduate, I will already have a good job waiting for me because the economy will have shown strong recovery.

We are getting settled into the new house quite nicely. We will be getting our big stuff in the house some time this week. We have to wait for my mom who is on vacation because she has a truck that we can load all this stuff into and put in the house. But the kids think that I am super bitch because I am really enforcing some new rules, especially the kitchen rules. When we were in Wichita, my son burned out the microwave and we can't afford to get a new one right now (the one I want) so, we are having to cook everything on stove top or my small grill. THEN because we don't have a dishwasher, we have to wash everything we use. So, I created a checklist for the kitchen and I do check the list each night because I am tired of cleaning up after people. I also am creating check lists for Braden and Chloe as well because we just can't have everyone's garbage all over the house!

OH!! Now I am getting excited about freezing foods for the winter!! I FOUND my Foodsavers, the blender, and my mini-chopper!! I am SO STOKED especially with the Foodsavers. That will save me TONS of space in the freezer and tons of money because I don't have to buy the containers anymore. Apple and green chile season is here and I am wanting to freeze LOTS of green chiles because I am going to be making several batches of chile verde with pork or chicken for the winter time! My family is going to be eating TONS of soup and pie this winter and I can't wait to start my projects.

Ok, how is the RA doing? Despite being down to one medication (Prednisone), I have been able to manage it until I can go to the doctor this week. Honestly, I think with all the moving in boxes, unloading boxes, washing cabinets, washing dishes, and putting everything away has kept my focus away from the RA. THEN we have a football schedule to throw into the mix. I think if anything, I am suffering from exhaustion than anything else. Which I would rather have than any kind of flareup from the RA.

HOWEVER, I need to get the Methotrexate back into my system ASAP because I can't imagine going through the winter with constant flareup as well as get off the Prednisone and stick with the Plaquenil.

I am now off to go and work on my bedroom. There are tons of boxes in there and I need pathways. Everyone take care and until next time!

Being Back Home After All These Years...

2009-09-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

The old saying- "You can never go home," is almost true in my case.

Florence, Colorado, is a small town that progressively timeless. What does that mean? It means that yes the internet is here, the high school is new architecture and the grocery store was completely re-designed and moved to the other end of town.

But while technology and a few new subdivisions over the years have crept in, Florence has stayed pretty close to its roots. For example-

1. People still wave at each other going down the highway to say hello.
2. Handshakes are still your bond and promise as well as a greeting.
3. Shop owners still stop to talk to you.
4. School spirit is still REALLY high.
5. The Unibomber is still tucked away nicely at SuperMax on hwy 67 South of Florence.

I thought that it would be almost a culture shock to move back to a town where my graduating class was 124, but it does have Carl's Jr., Dominos, and Subway. While there is no Spangles (a Kansas thing), Starbucks, and Whole Foods Market, I have access to those places less than an hour away.

I have ran into a few people that I went to school with so long ago. Some are teachers, some are business people in the community, and some are residents. It has been interesting to see how the years have treated us- some REALLY good and some not so hot. But it has been nice to get the welcome homes from those that I know and it has been kinda fun. BUT don't think I am signing up for the 25th class reunion... didn't go to the 10th or the 20th. That would be too much for me! Honestly, I am not a reunion kinda person. I keep in touch with those I care about and that is it.

It is going to take me awhile to get my house organized because there are several things (like more bookshelves) that I need to get for our new place. I am also going through all the boxes AGAIN to get rid of stuff that we just don't use anymore. ( I never knew I had so much Tupperware!!) I have to get this done before classes start in October because then I just won't have time to get the house fixed up like I want it.

Speaking of the new place. It is quite large for the most part. These stairs are so much easier to navigate with having RA. Much wider, the carpet is tacked properly and the railing is solid wood. My kitchen is quite small but the dining room is large and as usual we have the office in the living room. To my son's dismay, there is no dishwasher except his two hands.

The kids have their own rooms which are quite large as well and then there is the bathroom. WOW!! It is HUGE!! Now I will definitely have room for the billions of towels and wash cloths we own. The ultimate nice thing is that our landlords are going to allow me to paint various rooms because I am not a fan of yellow or green let alone blue. The color scheme is changing through the whole house!

Ok, back to life and working on controlling the RA. Today was rough because I have been flaring slightly because of the slightly, rainy weather. I am pushing myself to get up and move because I really hate staying in bed. My hubby brings me the drug cocktail and I wait about 45 minutes then get out of bed to start the day. We have to keep our bodies moving because it reminds us that we are not dead and we have to move to claim a small victory for the day over RA.

Next week I am going to the doctor to get the medications done and back on the Methotrexate.

Then finally for the evening, in addition to teaching myself how to make fresh mozzerella cheese this fall... I am dedicating myself to learning how to make the best darn pies in the world, starting with the crust. I am going to perfect the pie crust and not have a soggy pie ever! My grandmother was the queen of the crusts, so now I want to claim that title for myself.

Come on over for pie!

8/30/2009- One Month post Kansas

2009-08-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

Today is our first official day in our new home and it feels good except living in the sea of cardboard. But that will go away over the next several weeks and our lives will start to resume a normal pattern.

But some interesting updates about life in general. My son who is a 8th grader decided to play football. My son has NEVER shown any interest in playing sports let alone actually getting out and exercising. The first 2 weeks was nothing but complaining about the pain and such. I handed him some Tylenol and told him to go to bed but the homework had to be done first. The complaining is now lessening and it is just about doing his chores.

THEN my daughter is taking her first grade class by storm. She is really enjoying her new classes and making new friends.

Now regards to the RA and seeing how it has changed since the move-

The swelling has gone down dramatically. Because Colorado is at a higher altitude and is a drier climate, I don't have a lot of body swelling in general...unless I don't drink my water!!
I am slowly getting off the Predinsone because of less swelling.
High activity rates really help me not to be so sore with the RA. (I have been on the go ever since we moved back)
I have added another herb to list that I now take. I am taking ginger because the combination of the tumeric and ginger, I believe that it is helping keeping the flares not happening on those wierd weather days. There has been some rainy days lately and I haven't been hurting so much.
My disposition...well that one is a work in progress. I am glad to be home, but with all the stress of moving, living with my mom, getting kids ready for school, and getting life settled has made me just a "LITTLE" testy.
Finally, I am now looking for another doctor to continue my medication program. I have ran out of Methotrexate and I am getting low on my Plaquenil. Next week, I am making an appointment with a local doctor that I have known practically all of my life. I want to be on happy drugs again!

So, the final conclusion thus far is that the move back to Colorado was a good one for the RA. While the first week being back just about killed me (I got sick and had a MASSIVE flare), I have been regaining my strength and ability to breathe at a higher altitude.

I will be going back to school in October via online and I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things in that area. I am also applying for a job with the city. It is part-time but it will be enough to pay for Chloe's dance lessons and my nail appointments. ( A girl has to treat herself good once in awhile!)

Now life begins in Colorado. It feels good to be home and YES I have been shopping at Whole Foods Market!

Here comes the rain AGAIN!!

2009-07-29T12:38:00.001-07:00

Update on the RA-

The swelling is completely gone and I had a mild flair that I was able to diminish with Ibuprofen. I have complete use of my right hand without swelling or pain. No other joint pain to report!! BUT I still feel like someone put a ton of bricks on my chest because I can't breathe too well because of altitude AND humidity. My mom says that this happens to her as well, so I guess I can take some small comfort in that. I have a feeling that I am going to be fighting the fatigue factor for a little while, but I will take it over the pain ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!!

I have been slowing down and relaxing, but it is still hard for me. My mom is reminding me to take 10 deep breath every so often. But today, I am going to start to work on my archery stance with these elastic band things that my mom has. They pull about 20 lbs. and my bow weight is 35 lbs, so I will work up to folding the bands in half and pulling that resistence. We aren't quite ready for indoor archery season yet, but I still don't want to look stupid on the range.

I am happy that yesterday I started taking 20 mg of Prednisone and then next week, will drop to 10 mg! Yeah! On the downsizing of medications!!

I am hoping that the lake in my mom's driveway dries up a little bit where I can go into town and start looking at places to live. I need to get my family out of mom's house soon because I am starting to feel that it is time to move onto the next stage.

School starts in less than a month and I am NOT ready for it at all. Both kids need TONS of stuff for school and we don't even have a permanent address yet.

And life continues...

Nuclear Breakdown of epic proportions

2009-07-29T12:35:00.000-07:00

After 1 day of packing, 1 day of driving, and 2 days of unloading, my body finally crashed and burned.

I thought I had been drinking lots of water and I have cut WAY back on the soda, but about 2 am, a full bout of dehydration kicked in and had its way with me. In addition to the dehydration, I am dealing with 2000 ft. altitude difference. I finally got rehydrated, medicated and I am feeling normal once again. I knew that my body would be changing gears, but DAMN! That really took me by surprise.

So, how am I doing with the RA?

The swelling in my hands is almost all gone and the pain where I had my cyst as a child has gone down dramatically. My knees and feet hurt, but that is because of all the activity I have been doing the past week.

It did rain all weekend, but in my view it didn't contribute anything to my RA. Which thinking about it, is rather odd because when living in Wichita the weather just killed me. Maybe it was because of the condition of the storms... I honestly don't know, but I didn't flare through any of it. That is pretty cool.

I am still dealing with the fatigue factor, but I think as I do more and get on a regular schedule things will start to pick up in the energy department.

Psychologically, I am doing well. I have my support system with my family and friends. They are more than willing to assist me when I need it. But when they offer to help that generally kicks in the- "Nope! I can do this myself!" attitude. However, that doesn't mean when I can't do it, I don't ask for assistance. Arrogance and RA don't mix!

I have started to work on my own custom RA plan. My mom is very much a naturapath and very good at it. We started to go through the books to start working on a balanced natural therapy in ADDITION to my medications. It is not my goal to get off the medications, because I see the need and benefit of them, what my goal is- to lessen the amount or even some of them all together. Anyway, the "balance" that we are trying to strike is the one in between inflammation and fatigue.

In researching many of these herbal supplements, they are things all around us like, garlic, parsley, etc. So, I can put these kinds of things fresh into my cooking and get their benefits that way. Then there are just some that need to be a tea form or supplement form. But my recommendation is to really research what is out there, because there are some herbs you can only take for a limited time and to me those might be a waste of time and money on your part.
In addition to all the herbal research, we are back to eating healthy. My mom still bakes her bread (so do I) and she lives out where fast food is almost 10 miles away. So, we are also looking at foods and recipes that could be beneficial to reducing RA symptoms while being healthy and tasty!

Ok, now the hard part to talk about. Activity. I am fat, out-of-shape, and having a hard time breathing at 6000+ ft. Guess what I have to work on... weight loss. This is the 3rd and probably most crucial part of the whole plan. I have got to start getting this weight off and building my lungs once again to go out and enjoy all the things we like to do in the summer. (Camping, biking, walking in the mountains, etc.)

The nice thing is that I can start small here at my mom's house and work up to other things. She has a huge circular driveway and I am going to start walking it. Then when we get settled, there is a community track that I can walk everyday just to get my activity and rebuild my lungs.
There is so much to do here to learn how to live with RA and its repercussions, but being educated about the disease from all angles will help us maintain a high quality of life. Remember RA is part of you, NOT all of you!

We are back in Colorado... so now what?

2009-07-25T07:58:00.000-07:00

After 1 exhausting day of driving and 2 grueling days of putting our stuff into storage, me and my family can officially say that we are here in Colorado.

So, how am I doing? I am exhausted, my lungs hurt, and my wrists are killing me. BUT, the swelling in my hands is down especially my pointer and "bird" finger.

However, I am starting to feel the effects of all the activity of this past week and I think that it is catching up to me.

So, now what am I going to do after I recooperate over the weekend?

I have blogged before as to how much of a difference it was from being in Kansas VS. Colorado in dealing with Rheumatoid Arthritis. The time frame was just 8 days.

I am still a college student and that means I have taken classes where I had to conduct investigations, studies, and experiments to prove a theory. I am going to put my academics to work to hopefully benefit other RA sufferers.

Now I am going to start to conduct my own study of if altitude, climate, and seasons effect RA in drastic ways. This evening I will start to compile a list of things that I am going to observe like-

Fatigue
Flares
Medication changes
Doctor visits
Depression levels
Food/Diet
Activity levels

Once this list is finalized, I will put it into an Excel spread sheet and use that as my documentation.

I have a good base line from my Kansas doctor who like a good doctor documented EVERYTHING including cell phone calls. So, hopefully, I will be able to understand more about how I need to work with this disease.

Once we get this weekend over my mom and I are going to start looking at everything that we can work with to get the RA under control for me because DAMMIT!! I don't want to have this disease to control me, I want that control and I believe that I can achieve it for most days of my life.

I completely understand that I will have my flares and my fatigue days, but I am hoping that I learn more about myself through this study, that I will be able to head things off and keep them to a minimum.

Research starts on Monday!

Final Adjustments before the move to Colorado..

2009-07-19T18:26:00.000-07:00

My doctor did a final adjustment on my medications and gave me a complete set of refills before we drive off to Colorado on Wednesday morning.

Here is the current checklist

Methotrexate- 10 mg once a week
Predinsone- 40 mg with tapering to 20 mg in 10 days and then to 10 mg daily.
Plaquenil- 2 tablets a day (I forgot the dosage)

Then either Cataflam or Tramadol for pain and 800 mg Ibuprofen for swelling.

I also take a prenatal vitamin and Tumeric to start the natural approach to this disease as well.

So now what? We are moving to Colorado on the belief that a complete climate change will be a better battle ground for me in dealing with this disease than my current one. Low/high altitude, arid vs. humid, etc. you get the picture. Also there is a mental game here at play as well. I truly believe that attitude plays a huge part in getting RA under control to function properly.

Colorado is where home is for me and my family. My mom is there and next to my hubby and kids, she is my biggest supporter in getting this under control. She has been doing lots of research about RA and has come up with some theories that we are going to try to see if they work for me.

It has been almost been 5 months since my diagnosis and now I am ready to start to put my plan of action together. Because right now I think I do need someone to help me get my focus on the whole person dealing with this disease and not just the medical/chemical part. Home is where I draw my strength and determination in not letting things kick my ass too often. Home is where I am surrounded by my family and friends that care about me to support me. Colorado is the keeper of my soul.

Anyway, onto other things. I have been under the impression that if I keep my hands moving, they will not hurt so much. So I spend time on my writing, blogs, and facebook. But a few nights ago I just couldn't do it anymore and I needed something academically tactile for my hands. Most of my art supplies are either here and packed or in Colorado and packed. BUT I kept a few little treasure chests of supplies out.

I found my beading and embellishment supplies. I have mentioned the SCA and I love to creat trims for clothing using seed beads and an inkle loom. I love to create these amazing strips of trim with the beads where people just flip out when they see them...but what is even better is when they ask HOW it is done.

ANYWAY, I started to think about how my daughter is in desperate need of new garb and I found a simple pattern for a sideless surcoat. I was talking to my mom and she has 3 yards of black corduroy and I have the linen to make her a chemise. Then I started to think about the pattern and the colors had to be pink, yellow and gold. BAM!! Inspiration hit and 4 hours later I had 2 of the strands of yellow beads strung!

Then I started to look at my hands. The swelling did go down, the pain in the wrist lessened, and my hands just generally ached. DID I FIND SOMETHING THAT HELPS MY HANDS?? I did!!

I got to thinking about it... the motions of typing uses different muscles than what I use to string the seed beads.. almost like counter-motion and it helps stretch those muscles around the joints and gets them doing different things. So for the past couple of days, I have been working in strands for 2 different designs of inkle trim when my hands start hurting and it helps. In fact, I don't even wear braces on my wrists because it feels pretty good!

So now I am thinking that after I get the inkle trims finished (I will publish pics when done) that I will be able to trace a design on cotton fabric and start beading that design for embellishment. I am excited to see what the results will be from my endeavors!

At first, when I was diagnosed with RA my world came crashing down. I got to thinking about all the things that this disease has robbed me of doing or could potentially no longer be a hobby or a passion. But now as my mind is clearing and I am seeing that these things are still there... I just have to adjust the way I do them.

My attitude is more positive and my hope is high that I am starting to find out what works for me. I am starting to take more steps in that direction and I am sure that it will take me lots of left turns to get to the right path, but once I am on it I am going to give it all I've got.

Today RA didn't have me.. I won the day.

I found this on You tube and thought I would share!

2009-07-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae4ZdRfZR3I

It is very informative about RA and exactly what happens. While we don't have a cure, scientists are taking this seriously and trying to help make our quality of life better.

For those of you who don't know what RA is..this video is for you.

An Email to a friend-

2009-07-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

A new friend of mine asked me to tell my story with RA and I thought that what I had written was good enough to put in my blog. So here is my email to her.

My story started last November. I was attending university and I had stopped in the student area to grab some breakfast. Then as I was walking out, I fell down the concrete stairs and hit my wrists and knees pretty hard. So hard, that I felt sick to my stomach. I got up with the help of a classmate of mine and went onto class. I was pretty sore, but I have a high tolerance of pain so I just moved on. For the next couple of weeks I was just achy and not myself. THEN one evening I was coming down the stairs of our home and I slipped on loose carpet on the stairs. Landed on the same spots on the wrists and knees.

Then the RA started but I didn't know it was RA at the time. I went from Mid-November to February going to clinics and ER's trying to get them to tell me what was wrong with me. It was so bad, that I had to take several incompletes in classes. So, after suffering through a miserable Christmas, I had a finanical meeting for my senior project and the 2 women that I was working with was astonished at the way I was looking. So, they started me out on helping me get to the right doctor, but that happened on my own. I went to a different ER and they took a complete blood count and found that my RH factor was sky high and did an early determination of RA.

Finally, I got into see a doctor that could help. They took the labs and told me that they would like to see me a week later. I already knew what they were going to tell me but it didn't hit me until I got the lab results back and everything was even higher. I ABSOLUTELY LOST IT!!! I spent the whole day crying and talking to my mom. My husband just held me and my kids didn't understand. In fact, my son (13) thought I was dying! So, we had to explain to both of them that I wasn't dying but I now have a chronic disease and there is no cure.

So, on February 20th the official diagnosis came down and I sat in the doctor's office defiant that I wasn't going to cry. When she left, I broke down. We started on the Methotrexate and Predniosone. It started to work, but the dosages still needed to be adjusted. I also started working on getting healthy and exercising...until my first flareup hit while on medications. It drained me of all my energy and still to this day I am tired all the time.

(My diagnosis came while my husband was unemployed, were on public assistance, the kids were on free lunches at school and I had to completely withdraw from school because I couldn't drive while in massive pain) Yes, we got the crap kicked out of us earlier this year.

For me, I have been noticing that my hair is falling out and that is ok. I can get wigs and hair extensions. Its just hair. But what is really getting me is the fatigue. I am so tired and I can't pull it together except in microburst form 2-3 times a day. I am in bed a lot and that pisses me off.

But we also have noticed that the weather here in Kansas is really bad for the RA and we have decided to move back to Colorado where the weather is more arid and when it changes you are prepared for the change in advance. A few weeks ago I went back home for just a week and the difference was AMAZING!! My energy was back, the swelling was down, the pain was manageable, and I almost felt "NORMAL."

Then I came back to Kansas and within 24 hours, I was back in bed feeling the pain in my wrists and the fatigue just puts me down. So, my hubby has to pick up the slack in getting everything ready to move in 10 days because I have such a hard time. For me, the RA is heavy in the right hand and wrist with some irritation in the feet and elbows. But what is most annoying is the popping sound that we make and the wierd sounds in my jaws. I am really blessed that I am left handed and there is hardly any swelling there, but I do so much with the right (archery, spinning, weaving, needlepoint, sewing, etc.) So I am fighting to get the swelling down in the right hand while keeping it active. Hence the blog spots, Facebook, and some of my hobbies that I can do.

I am enrolled for fall semester and I am feeling that I will be ready to go back to school because several of my classes will be in the classroom as well as online classes because I am only 28 credits shy of graduating with my bachelors degree!! I have been on the 20+ year plan to get that degree and I am not letting this stupid disease take that away from me.

I am still going through the grieving process of learning that I have a chronic disease. Some days I just can't wrap my head around it and I just want cry all day long. Then there are days that I feel ok and it is at bay for that moment. But accepted it? Not even close. Still working on getting to the acceptance stage.

That will come in good time when I have a new rheumatologist, my mom the naturalpath guiding me and my family what to eat as well as going to the pool and doing water aerobics, and getting back into the swing of life.

When I tell people I have RA, they usually say- " I am sorry." But then I tell them don't be sorry because I am not. I hate having the disease, but I don't want a self-inflicted pity party. I tell them to be thankful for their hands and their feet because some day I may not have mine.

But the other day, someone I know pushed the wrong buttons and I let them have it. This woman has about much cuth and tact as a drunk redneck thinking he is going to get laid because he brought the little woman a cold beer and a new mop! I just told her that RA is a serious disease and people to die from complications and we lose our freedom of mobility because our bodies end up attacking itself and there is no cure. I wanted to say more, but why waste good intelligence on her?!!

So for me, I am trying to help my hubby to get our house packed (thank goodness his job travels with us!) and moved back to Colorado. We will be staying at my mom's house for a couple of weeks until we can get the money together to get a place in Colorado Springs by August 18th. That is when my son starts 8th grade and my daughter starts 1st grade.

I am glad to hear that you are not giving up on your dream to be a mom. While it will be difficult, women with RA deal with being a mom everyday. I feel blessed that my kids are now old enough to not have to depend on me for everything, but still need me for the boo-boo's.

When I get my new RA doctor, I am going to ask them to take me off the prednisone/Plaquenil and put me on Simponi. A friend of mine in California is a RA nurse and she said that her boss is having great success with Simponi and that I should try it.

I do get frustrated with the RA because it has drastically changed my life, but I do believe that there are things that I can do to help lessen the pain. For me, that is keeping my hands in motion and try to overcome the fatigue when I can. I also need to get off my Pepsi addiction, but that is a whole other chapter!!

This has been a TERRIBLE week with RA

2009-07-10T17:56:00.000-07:00

I am writing to you from my bed..where I have been practically since coming home from Colorado. But today has been the worst day in a very long time. Both wrists are flaring and I have hot spots near my toes. My skin hurts to be touched and I am on all medications. The weather has been playing hell and havoc with me and I am taking a HUGE beating.

RA has control right now. ( I also got my RA lab results and the RH factor is 267...going up not down)

I have been crying on and off because I HATE being in this position. I am so used to being active and that is hard for me. It has gotten to the point where I can't even really play with Chloe and that cuts deep. But what really triggered me today is not being able to open my medicine bottles because of the damn child-proof lids and Wal-Mart won't put the arthritis ones on the bottles without a prescription when it is CLEARLY written Rheumatoid Arthritis on the bottle!!! So hubby is getting me one of those pill cases that I can just flip the top and get the med out. What a nightmare.

Me and my family are preparing to leave on June 22 and I am excited and yet scared to death! I am praying that I will have the strength and energy to make the drive once again. My doctor has made sure I have all my medication bases covered and then some until I find a RA doctor to take over.

But here is something that REALLY pissed me off beyond belief. I went to A&S on Wednesday night with my family and there is this witch there that needs to be put in the stocks for 30 days for being her!!!

She was telling her problems to the world and I made some comment and she shot back a flipant comment about me having RA. I then looked at her and said- EXCUSE ME, but RA is chronic disease and IT IS VERY SERIOUS.... there is NO CURE!! Then I glared at her like nobody's business. She is one of those people that you could be DYING and your problems are nothing in comparsion to her!!! Stupid woman!!!

I really wanted to shred her right there and I could have said everything that everyone else has been thinking since this woman started playing SCA. But my first award in the SCA was all about service to dream and chivalry plays a HUGE factor in that. Whatever small trinkets of recognition may come my way in the future... the Gentle Dragon will always be my favorite.

Ok, back to the nice me.

So, now what? I am starting from square one. When I get back to Colorado, my mom is helping me figure out what to eat, what supplements to take, and some other natural things to help keep the RA down to a minimum. We are even going to work on my anemia. She is really good resource when it comes to stuff like this. We are also planning on going to the YWCA for water aerobic classes. I can't wait.. I am going to have a swim buddy! But most importantly, my friend Betsy is going to put my hands through therapy with spinning and weaving. She has told me that we will alternate the actions to build and maintain the flexibility in the hands.

We are sad that we are leaving our friends because we have some wonderful friends here and will miss them dearly. But most of them have commented on that they would rather come see us, then us coming to see them! I guess it has something to do with the mountains!! :-)

I am tired now and my hands are wanting to cry.

Good night.

Learning to cope with RA

2009-07-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

I am still of the warrior's attitude - RA is just part of me, not all of me. But all this summer, it has had me down in bed and my hands just killing me.

The fatigue factor with the adjusting and adding of medications takes it toll on me right now. I am frustrated because I want that feeling back that I had while I was at mom's house-- minimal RA.

I am still researching RA and I am trying to find a rheumatologist that can take me ASAP, but the closest one I can get in with is still 6 months out.

My days are filled with short bursts of energy (that is when I do stuff), blogging when I am up to it, and Facebook. I also do my daughter's summer math classes to keep her going academically. But I have some beading and needlepoint projects I would love to start but they are quite focused and demanding and I don't know if I have the mental strength and physical endurance to start these projects. I miss being able to do my handicrafts because I do them quite well and it is therapy for me.

I also do a lot of reading of online newspapers to keep up on what is happening around me. I am trying to keep my hands working as much as possible because that is where the RA has settled the most. I think that is my biggest fear- losing the use of my hands. So, that is why I have been researching my own therapy program for my hands and I will unveil it at a later time because it is starting to be very interesting! I am working with an occupational therapist who is also a great friend.

So, now what? I am getting ready to go back to school this fall, but my schedule will have to be dramatically different than last year. For example, I can't have early morning classes (like I like) so I am now looking at late afternoon or evening classes. I know that my hands and my body are cooperating during that time frame. I am going to have to probably get some assistance on taking notes in class because my writing has slowed down. But when I get home, I will translate them on the computer.

But I do know that I am taking Calculus 1 (for the non-major), statistics, and I am looking at some more business classes to fill 6 credits. But the search is going crazy and I really don't want to take online classes. I am wanting to graduate here fairly soon and I have decided that I am going straight onto my masters program as well.

Ok, it is really late and I need to get to bed! Laters!

Vacation was interesting!

2009-06-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

I was kinda dreading the 10 hour drive to my mom's house last weekend because I had 2 kids with a ton of electronics with them. (Ipods, DVD player, mini computer, etc.) But I wasn't concerned with how they would fair the drive..I was worried about me and getting tired very quickly.

My doctor is weaning me off the Prednisone and is getting me on the Plaquenil, but we upped the Methotrexate

So, how did I do?

Well, round trip over the course of 8 days I drove almost 1450 miles with 2 trips to Colorado Springs (1 hour from my mom's house) made a ton of food for friends, helped mom with some projects out at the ranch, did laundry, cleaned bathrooms, family cooking, took mom to the airport and then went and visited friends.

There were times that I was so busy at mom's house and going places I almost forgot my medications and my hands were the only things that really hurt. BUT I tell you what, the altitude difference just about KILLED me on a few of the projects. Kansas needs to grow some mountains!!!

I felt almost normal and it felt good. (Ok, scene setting here- My CAT is trying to type for me because he is trying to get my attention to play. Yes, he was pissed that I left for vacation) I was very careful to note the similarities AND differences in between a high altitude, arid landscape and an almost level, humid area as well as do I get true fatigue or do I just need to rest, etc. The conclusion is that Colorado is much better for me than Kansas for me to deal with RA

So, now me and my family are at some major crossroads. We have several decisions to make and we have to make sure that they are in the best interest of our entire family. RA affects everyone, not just the person who is the bearer of the disease.

Anyway, the part that killed me was the drive home. It was long because it was only Chloe and myself, Braden is spending a week with his cousins. Dropping him off was along the way. But it did give me time to think about life, family, school, and other things.

My bottom line is that I have to get the RA under control to continue a high quality of life.

Observations about RA

2009-06-07T09:38:00.000-07:00

Since my last posting, I have been researching like a crazy! I have been researching foods, natural health remedies, researching the latest medications, etc. Here are some things that I have learned-

There is no one clear cut method of controlling RA. While scientists are actively working on finding out WHY the white blood cells attack the joint fluids, their research is still quite new. So, while one lifestyle is great for person A, it might not be the best choice for person B. Like everything else, RA treatment is as unique as the person who carries the distinction of Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Food studies in regards to RA, is still in the heavy researching part of the game. Scientists have shown promising leads with several studies with various items (Green tea for example) but there needs to be more research before major claims that a certain food is a good thing for RA people. HOWEVER, I will not sit here and tell you not to try something..it just might work for you!!
People are adapting to new medications on a break neck pace and science can't keep up with the demand for relief. We have seen many of our friends try Humira, Orencia and the others and they get relief for a little while and then WHAM..the body has adjusted to the medication and we are back to square one. PISSES ME OFF WHEN I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THAT SQUARE!!!
The general public really isn't that educated about arthritis in general. Many think that it is an old person's disease. We have seen 5 year-olds afflicted with flareups. It is frustrating to have someone tell you that you "it is such a shame to be in the prime of your life and to be afflicted so." WHATEVER!! It is a shame for ANYONE to be struck with any kind of disease because it changes their quality of life. I realize that people sometimes just don't know what to say and really that is ok because they are trying to process it, just like we have to do on a daily basis, but don't tell me I am in the prime of my life and it is now all over. NO WAY! I now have challenges but I don't stop living!

I am going through a painful flareup right now in my wrists and the only thing that I have found that kinda keeps it from hurting is typing on the laptop keyboard. I am keeping my hands active and my mind working because I just can't fall into the pain stage and let it win. So, my blog for today is my medical partner. It is helping me keep perspective through the flareup while waiting for medications to start to work.

I am still so new with RA and I will NEVER tell anyone how they should approach their treatment because like I said earlier our treatment is just as unique as the person with RA. This is what I am starting to see for me as part of my treatment-

Balanced diet with lots of colorful veggies. I am not a big meat eater except if it is ground turkey or high quality beef. I am starting to prefer things like salt-water fish and other seafood. I am not into bread but I love making it! I have removed 99.99% of the products from my house with high frustose corn syrup. (We hate mayo, like Miracle Whip). Been enjoying breakfasts of steel-cut oats or Cheerios. But I am making these changes gradually because I have to be mindful of my family and the shock value for them.
Exercise. This is where I am really struggling. When you are so fatigued that you can't even get out of bed, you honestly can think about going to the gym and swimming laps! So, I have been picking my exercise things to do here at home. Recently, we purchased the Nintendo Wii and I have been using the sports disk to play baseball, go bowling, and play tennis. My arms can feel the burn!!
Supportive people and groups. We need to be able to talk about what we are going through and shoulders to cry on. These are the most important people in our lives because they are the ones who will give us perspective when we need it as well as reality checks when we become total pains in the ass for the world to deal with on a daily basis.

Finally, we can't stop living. We are still entitled to our dreams and goals. I am not giving up on my dream of having a college degree and you shouldn't give up on your dreams either. Keep dreaming those dreams! Dreams give us hope to keep going and want to kick RA to the curb. So keep doing those hobbies and pursuing those dreams... those are what help keep us in the war!

I have been thinking about something (Light bulb moment)

2009-06-05T22:51:00.000-07:00

I am a foodie! I love to cook, collect recipes, try new things, etc. I got to thinking that maybe once a week, I could post a recipe that is beneficial for people who suffer from RA. These would be recipes that I come up with out of my own kitchen.

I am learning that there are foods out there that curb the inflammation, help protect the joints, etc. I would try to use products that I can get at Wal-Mart Super Centers, local grocery store chains, etc. Maybe with enough research, I can come up with a a cookbook! (I have a cookbook in the works, but it is quite decadent!)

Also, I would include cooking options. For example, many people are scared to cook fish because they don't know what to look for in the terms of doneness. I have discovered something that takes the guess work out of that- Ziploc steamer bags! Love these bags. I created a fish dish the other day (needs some work in the spice department) but the fish came out tender and flakey as well as done.

I would explore a variety of things but I would have the tendency to stay away from processed foods and anything with high fructose corn syrup. In the Middle Ages, people ate whole grains, veggies, dairy, eggs, and meat. Of course, HOW you ate depended upon your station in life but that is another discussion for another time! The point is this, they didn't have processed foods and they learned about what spices worked with what foods. Get back to the basics.

Here is a tip- Don't be afraid of bread. Make it yourself at home with a breadmaker and use WHOLE GRAIN King Arthur Flour. This flour has been around for almost 220 years, it is never bleached (even the white), no poly-bromates, AND their protein content is in between 11-13%. This is the BEST flour on the market hands down. I use it all the time and I have NEVER had a recipe go bad because of the flour. (Usually cook's goof up!)

Making simple changes in diets, using moderation and our brains, we can enjoy good foods and a favorite treat once in a great while.

Ok, I am working on a recipe with salmon. I will get it put together this week and see how it turns out!

Parents, Kids, and RA

2009-06-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

I have a very open and honest relationship with my kids. Me and my husband talk to them about the good, the bad, and the ugly. We don't hide things from them. For example, when my husband was laid off from his job in October, we sat them down and said that our lives were getting ready to change and it is going to be really rough especially when Christmas and birthdays are within a month of each other.

We let them ask questions, tell us how they feel, and we remind them that they can come and talk to us. Our son (age 13) has a rough time with the tight finances because of the peer pressures at school.

When my diagnosis was made official, we sat the kids down again to talk to them about RA. That was a hard conversation, because they really don't understand what is going on except that their mom has drastically changed.

A few days ago while in bed with a flareup, I called my kids in seperately and I wanted to talk to them about the RA and how it was affecting them.

My son hates the RA because he can't give me full hugs like he wants to do and it is frustrating for him to see me not being able to do the things I like to do as well as be mom. He also doesn't like it that I am grumpy all the time. (Personally, I hate being grumpy, too) But he has compassion beyond belief and it really trying to adjust to mom not being as active and energetic as she has been. He and I have been getting closer through these flareups, but I still make him do the dishes.

Then the person who I am most concerned about is my daughter. This young lady has more energy than 10 energizer bunnies! She is always wanting to be on the go and she hates to sleep. So, I spoke to her about her frustrations with the RA and she is upset that we can't go shopping and have our girl dates. I miss our dates as well because that is my time to spend with her.

But something wonderful that has happened... Dad is there to cover the bases! My husband has a great relationship with our kids. He plays with them in all sorts of ways- from tea parties to Nintendo. Our son is into Pokemon battling and Waide decided to battle with him, so they have their guy days every week. He also plays with our daughter and they do quite a few activities!

I am hoping that with this open dialogue with our kids, that they will always feel comfortable in coming to us to talk about any and everything. I want them to know that it is ok to be mad that I have RA because I am mad about having RA.

But I have told them that I am bound and determined to get back my energy by working with doctors to find the right medication combo for me, to start eating the right foods, and get moving to keep my body from going into a wheel chair.

My first goal is to get back to shooting archery. I am a traditional competition archer and I miss it. I need to rebuild my upper body strength and my mom has created a little workout program for me that I will be starting this month.

I am going to try to be a more active parent for them and get things under control because I still have dreams and goals that need to be achieved.

Finish my college education
Lose my excess weight
Learn how to ride a motorcycle and buy a Harley
Do more travelling

This is only a small part of the list, but I can't give up on those dreams because my kids will continue to dream their dreams.

My son wants to work for Lego..he needs the support, encouragement and guidance to get on that path.

My daughter wants to take the world by storm. Who knows what she wants to be except a first grader for now.

But needless to say we are each others role models and support systems. This is the hardest part because sometimes they don't get to be "just kids"..they are kids who are facing very harsh realities at home.

This is when we are now taking 1 day at a time and spending as much time as we can with our children to love them and support them. Personally, there is nothing like huggie, lovie, kissies from my daughter every night. When that happens the world is ok.

Finding support is becoming key for me

2009-06-04T03:23:00.000-07:00

I am in the middle of a flareup and I am having a breakdown of sorts with it. But because of family, friends, and facebook, I am learning that having an auto-immune disease is rough but you can learn to live with it.

It is interesting to find out that the drugs they use to treat cancer, is used to treat RA. So, in a sense I am on chemotherapy for the rest of my life in regards to the Methrotrexate. I am looking into other drug therapies to hopefully keep the Methotrexate to the minimum needed.

I am still looking into the lifestyle changes, supplements, and other things to get me back on track. That is a lot of research and energy to read it all. Which right now, that really isn't a high priority...research.

I am very blessed to have a phenomenal support system in my family. They are having to come to terms with the fact that this disease has changed me. Changed me in how I do things, interact with them, etc. They get frustrated with the RA just as much as I do, because my little one wants to go here and do this...but I can't I am fatigued out.

But my team consists of my hubby, son, daughter, and mom. They all take really good care of me and love me even more. My mom and I have long talks via instant message and phone, to help keep my spirits up. My son comes in and gives me hugs and spends time with me. My daughter tells me all about her world and snuggles with me when I can handle it.

However, my rock is my husband- Waide. He is like me frustrated with the RA, but no matter what he is supporting me and being a true helpmate. He looks for information online, he helps with the kids, pitches in and cleans up the house when it even hurts for me to lift a finger. When we made the commitment on our wedding day, "for better, for worse".. I think we have really put that theory to the test with narcolepsy and RA.

Facebook. This really has helped me is reaching out to the RA community and I have started to find support. I have been finding places to do research and support from those that suffer from all kinds of arthritis. It is nice to find those out there who are on the same path as me.

So, how is today? I am happy to say that I am feeling better. The flare is going down and I did manage to go out today and drive to run some errands. I am not feeling as tired as I have been lately. I did manage to move my computer downstairs to my desk and out of my bedroom.

Things will get better because the sun is out and I did get some Vitamin D, but I am still pretty tired.

Have a blessed day.

To be Scared...

2009-05-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

I am in a moment of weakness here.

I need to get a different doctor to work with me on the RA, because my current one can't prescribe the biologics and I have a feeling that the RA is worse than anyone suspects.

I look at my hands and I am actually amazed by them. Then can do so many things and yet my blood turns to ice with the thought of losing the usage of them. I can't fathom the idea of not being able to spin or weave, sew, or cook a meal for my family. Yet, that is a real possibility in my life if we don't find the proper medication.

I am scared.

I am scared of not accomplishing my dreams.
I am scared of not being able to be there for my kids when they need me the most.
I am scared of not being a good wife and best friend to Waide.
I am scared of being crippled and having a free spirit that have been caged in a broken body.

I am ok with having RA, I have accepted it and I am trying to find a happy medium to work with it some how.

But what I am not ok with is how much of a toll is my body going to take with all these drugs? For me to take a Tylenol for a headache, is like me totally dying.... I just don't take them. So, now I am having all these drugs and their WONDERFUL side effects.

I know that there are people out in the world that are dealing with their own medical demons- large and small, but this is my demon that is taking all the life and joy out of me. In its place there is nothing but pain and fatigue.

Today was a prime example of that. I took my daughter out on a girls day and I barely got through it. We only went to Olive Garden and Target, but I feel like we spent the entire day shopping at the Galleria Mall in Dallas!! Then driving home was a nightmare because I just felt like everything was just off balance. Chloe said she had a good time, but it broke my heart that I couldn't do more with her.

However, there is a silver lining to this cloud and I just have to hold onto this hope... a friend of mine who works for a rhuematologist as a nurse told me about a new medication and she REALLY recommends I get on ASAP.

So, tomorrow armed with a cell phone and insurance card- I am calling my doctor to get the ball rolling for this health stuff. With Waide getting a job, that kinda changes everything for us. I am going to try every option available to me before I fall on my last option-

Getting declared disabled. But that is completely my last option.

Ok, I am done with this episode of pity party. I need to start thinking new thoughts come tomorrow.

NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!!!

2009-05-28T23:59:00.000-07:00

The weather has been playing havoc with the RA and I am so frustrated that I could chew through rebar!!

My calf muscle is almost healed up but it is taking forever and it is because of my RA drugs...which don't seem to be working because the dosages on the Prednisone seem to be getting higher and I am only numb. Also, did I mention that Prednisone tastes terrible?!!!

What is killing me now is the stiffness in the hands. I am trying to keep them active by typing on the computer, but that is even hard sometimes. All these meds turn me into a useless, whiney, bitch and I hate that part of me.

There is now a lot of anger and rage building up about the frustration with the flareups. I am not used to someone or someTHING having this much control over me. I hate this!!

2009 is going in my book as a nasty year for me and it isn't even 1/2 over. I have been trying to be positive and take back what the RA has stolen but I feel like the battle is slipping. It is so bad that I am just short of having greasy, nasty fast food everyday. But I did have a craving for a Big Mac and ONLY the sandwich...no fries.

But I have been eating a lot of chips and other junk food; not to mention slamming Pepsi Throwbacks down hard.

I have been sleeping a lot because of the meds and just feeling like crap. Now that Waide is working our health coverage has changed and I am not too sure what it is. I really need to go and see a rheumatologist and get on a proper dosage for my medications and maybe even change it.

This WILL get better, right? I mean I want to get back to sewing, weaving, spinning, shooting archery and all the other wierd stuff I do and I want to do it without pain.

I am thinking about a couple of things...

2009-05-18T11:59:00.000-07:00

Rheumatoid Arthritis- I have a couple hot joints flaring and one of them is near my sprained ankle So, I am taking some Prednisone for a couple of days with an Ibuprofen when needed. I am still dealing with a TON of fatigue still. But the warmer weather is starting to get here and my energy will return. I am also looking forward to the kids getting out of school soon so YMCA here we come! I really do like working out with my son Braden because I can push him to really workout...of course he grumps about it the whole time because mom is a total "slave driver" on the stationery bike.

Diet- This has improved a great deal. We have gotten the high fructose corn syrup products out of our house and we as a family are now reading labels on cans and boxes. We are starting to live in the natural food section of Dillions now. The kids are now asking for fruit for snacks and NOT Ramen noodles! We still have one major addiction around this house and it is just very recent... Pepsi Throwback. It is made with sugar instead of the corn syrup and all of us drink it now exclusively...even Waide who is a die-hard DP fan. I don't smoke, I don't drink...so this is my vice.

We also have changed WHERE we eat out at.... for sandwiches, we get them at Subway. For mexican (cheap) Fresco tacos at Taco Bell and sit down will always be On the border. When we are in the neighborhood, we also go to Super Salad. Then for pizza, we get Papa Murphy's. Fresh and we get to bake it... that is just fine with me. But I do go to Dillons and get a huge salad from there and it lasts me for 2-3 days and I do get sushi once in awhile.

If it is fried, greasy, or something that will clog your arteries, we don't eat there anymore. In fact, Waide and I went to a diner for breakfast and everything was fried...Well we paid for it in so ways.

Finally, we are incorporating more multi-grain products into the mix and I am trying to get myself to eat more bread. Because of having gastric bypass 9 years ago, bread just doesn't work with me and I enjoy bread. So, I am stepping up to a better quality of bread and just making sure it is toasted.

Exercise- I have been very lacking on this topic. Mainly becaust of the RA and I just don't feel good. I will be trying to get it together here soon. But the good part is that now that I have made the decision to stay home, I am doing some exercise around here in the form of house work. I am reclaiming my house from the little beasts that run amuck (Chloe and Braden). Trust me, when I have to do SEVERAL loads of laundry at a time... that is a workout considering my washer is in one place and the dryer is in another.

Wichita State University- Once I pay them the 674.93 I owe them I get to go back this fall and work on my degree. I just got all of my paperwork to them, so all should be taken care of soon. I am going to be taking a full load of classes because I will be able to handle it by then. I just now have to figure out my fall schedule. I am only 28 credits shy of my degree. Personally, I am looking forward to getting back into the classroom... I will feel productive again.

I am going to get Whole Foods Market here in Wichita!!

2009-05-11T07:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have made it my personal mission to get that store here! There are just some great products that they carry and I can't get here. Besides, their frozen selection of alternative meat products is AWESOME.

Then NOT to mention their salad bar, the deli section and the meats! Oh yum! But my favorite to see is the bakery and the WHOLE store!!

Wichita can support this type of store and it would do well especially if it is positioned in the best location.

To me, a great location would be up on Rock Rd where the old Linens and Things store was OR maybe even the shopping center out west where Circuit City was located. You can see it from the highway quite clearly and it would be the end store, so they would have PLENTY of parking.

Ok, back to the RA.

I am getting my RA under control which means I am getting stronger, but boy it takes it out of you when you want to get up and move! I cleaned my bathroom today and now I am on a major break because I have just ran out of steam. I have started the week of taking only 4 Prednisones and I haven't taken any Cataflam or Ibuprofen in days for pain. My joints are feeling and looking much better and I am finally NOT retaining 10 lbs of water!

I am still concerned about the fatigue factor. I just miss all the energy that I had and it is just frustrating that the brain is still moving at Mach 1 and my body hasn't even moved. I know.. Time.. time will get it all put together.

HOWEVER, I did get to do the stationery bike for 10 minutes and the treadmill for 7 minutes on Saturday. I know that is only 1/2 of what I was doing before this last flare, but I will take it! After I get my house somewhat under control today, I am getting my gym clothes together for tomorrow... I am going swimming for the warm-water therapy and some hard core laps. I want to get in 30 minutes of swim tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I am kinda sad... it is the season finale of Biggest Loser. I have enjoyed this 2nd part of this season over the first one. I have had real people to root for and not people playing for money. Don't get me wrong, the fall season had some great people (Coleen, Jerry, Michelle, etc.) but this one here seems to have taken the challenge of the show more seriously which I have enjoyed watching.

Honestly, I would like to see Mikey win the whole thing. He is 18 years old and would be getting his adult life started off right. Healthy body to endure a college education. So tomorrow night we are eating early and gathering around the TV to see who changed the most!

This wierd journey with RA

2009-05-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

Just a small update- I am still on the prednisone but this week I am only taking 5 of them a day. Come Saturday, it will start the 4 day. The Methotrexate was increased to 4 tabs and it seems to be working. I am not having to take any extra pain medication, but the fatigue is really high. I am having to take a nap every day now, but today I am really trying hard to stay awake.

I am having a hard time to get the motivation to get to the gym! I think it is the weather these days. It has been raining a ton here in Kansas and it really takes all the energy and strength out of you. But I need to get my strength back in order to go back to work on the 15th.

But today, I feel like that I have accomplished some major stuff. I have done all of my family's laundry, the dishes have been ran, and I am working on dinner. I am trying to reclaim my house back from the piggies that live here! Yes, I am guilty of that especially around my desk but at least I make strong attempts to clean it up.

I feel like I am in a wierd position. I want to work, but I don't want to work for Wal-Mart. I want a job that will use my talents and abilities. HOWEVER, I am kinda liking staying home while kids are at school. I feel like this is my time to take care of me and what I need to do. I am feeling like that my family can't think for themselves when they are independent people. But then I come back to the fact, we need the money to get ourselves back up on an even playing field again. Too many decisions and I either way, I will feel guilty about which one I choose.

They KNOW I don't cater to them and I don't understand where this expectation of catering to their needs is a requirement of me. I am having to deal with so much and I am trying to push it too hard but I don't feel like I really matter except to take care of the laundry, the bills, the shopping, the food, etc. There are 4 people living in this house and 4 people can pitch in and help.

Update on life with RA

2009-04-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

Here is the first update NOT related to the RA-- Waide had to go back into the hospital last weekend because fluids started to collect in the abdomen which was resulting in an infection. Got that taken care of with 2 nights in the hospital and TONS of antibotics. He reported to work today for IBM and I am glad he is there!

I am working for Wal-Mart and I am still not sure that I want to be there. I will give it 90 days and then go from there. I am going to start to save my paychecks to pay off my bill at WSU and get back into school this fall. I am picking out my classes as we speak.

IF I am still at Wal-Mart, I am going to have to change stores because I am trying to take smaller classes out at west campus, but the one class will have to be on main campus. Besides, we have been thinking that we want to move out to the Maize area anyway because of our kids are needing good schools. I am also getting tired of living in an apartment. I would like to get a small 3-bedroom house with a backyard. Chloe wants a dog and we need a yard for that one.

Now the update with the RA- I am on the 4th day of the prednisone therapy. I start out with 60 mg for 7 days, then 50 for 7, etc. This is to build up my Methotrexate and get back down to 1 medication. The swelling with the prednisone is awful and my hands are kinda hurting from work. I am PRAYING that I can get my body moving and strong enough to keep up with the schedule they are throwing at me right now at Wal-Mart.

After I get through this next week at work, I will be able to start a regular schedule of going to the gym on the Northside. I do want to go swimming and such to start to build up my lungs and cardio a bit to handle the rigors of the floor.

I am starting to get angry with the RA. I do not like the fatigue factor with this disease. I simply don't have time to be tired all the time when I want to be on the go. It is frustrating and I do want to learn compromise with this, but I am still figuring my way around this.

ALSO- I wasn't able to do my arthritis walk because I had a huge flareup and no medication to help deal with it. SO, I was in bed until we had to take Waide to the ER via ambulance. We are such drama queens around here!

My eating plan is on MAJOR hold right now. I am too focused on the medication. But I am finding out that fast and fried foods just aren't my friends anymore. My favorite fast food I guess would be a Wendy's taco salad. I only like 1 kind of sandwich from Subway and I don't like to eat that all that often. I just might change to a pure veggie sandwich anyway. BUT I am still ADDICTED to Pepsi.

Ok, I am tired and you are bored to death. Take care of the body you have because you only get one!

Update and thoughts...

2009-04-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, on Friday Waide had to have emergency surgery for a baseball-sized appendix. He is getting up and around just fine.

We both found jobs this week as well. Waide has accepted a position with IBM (go big blue) and I am starting at Wal-Mart on Wednesday. I know, not the best of job for me but I am looking at it from a different angle... I am out of the house!! Most of my paychecks are going into savings to move out of the hole we live in now. Ugh! I hate our neighbors.

Here are my thoughts about this time of being in between jobs October - April:

(What we faced- No jobs, RA, withdrawing from university and Waide's surgery.)

It made us grow closer as a family. We learned to depend on each other more and to love each other more. We learned how to do things without the use of money.
My children- they have had to endure so much during this time, but we have tried to be honest with them about our situation. Because of this, they are wanting to start to save their money and not want whatever is the new and hip toy of the moment. They have strong backs and I have faith that they will be able to face whatever challenge may come their way because of this test in their young lives. They are my inspiration!
Our faith- we were constantly reminded that Heavenly Father already answered our prayers even before we speak them. We are thankful for our prayers being answered and our shortcomings being forgiven when asked in humility. Our family is truly blessed.
Speaking of money, we have always had a good concept of need vs. want, but this time has taught us what is really important for us to have a comfortable life.
Wela- This great duchess has been so supportive since she learned that I was diagnosed with RA. Wela, you have been a good rock and friend through this challenge. Your Grace, I am always in your service.
Family- my mom has been incredible. When she found out all the crisis, she stopped her life and came to help me adjust to the RA. My mom has cried with me, laughed with me, and helped me every step of my life when I didn't think I could take another step...she pushed me and said take the step...its ok.
Norma- This is my Grobie mom from England. I truly believe with all of my soul that Heavenly Father put her in my life to help me keep humble and grateful for all my blessings even when I didn't want to hear it at times.
How bad I want to finish my education. I hate being 28 credits shy of graduation, but I know that I had to take this time to learn to work with the RA. I WILL be ready to go back to school this fall and finish what I started 21 years ago.

It is going to take us probably until December to be back to "normal" but we are only taking it 1 day at a time. Right now, I am just relieved and now I can start to sleep and start to smile once again. I miss being a happy person who is at peace with the world.

I am having a rough 2 weeks

2009-04-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, I watched Biggest Loser last night and I felt so bad for Laura. Getting a stress fracture when she was finally coming into her own...MAN! But what really hit me was when Max (son of Ron and bro of Mikey) broke down because it really hit him on how he needs to change his life. Mike was so cool to tell him that he can do this too because he will help him all the way. That was the moment of the season for the show.

I am calling my doctor. I think I need to be referred to a rheumatologist to get a better idea of what I am facing with the RA. The medications just aren't as effective as they were in the beginning and I think that there is more going on in the joints than we realize.

I am really hating looking for jobs that just aren't there! I have applied for everything and I am getting frustrated. I am just wanting to not look for a job and work on getting better. This job hunting adds a ton of stress on me right now and it is something I really don't need.

I am off to have lunch- homemade chicken enchiladas and probably a nap. Damn! I just can't get it together today.

People drive me NUTS!!!

2009-04-10T21:20:00.000-07:00

I have successfully recovered from my first flareup and I am just about back to normal. I will start back to working out on Monday.

With me and Waide being in between jobs, we are getting government assistance in the form of food stamps. I have really become aware of not only my eating habits but those around me.

For example-

Today was my shopping day and I took my son to help out. We shopped for fresh veggies, back stock for the pantry, Easter festivities, and necessities. I even got some fresh salmon to make into burgers later this week. I spent approximately 1/2 of what we are allotted today.

While we were checking out, another family of 4 started to load their groceries and the mom was really upset because they got their food stamp benefits last week and it is almost all gone. That was alarming to me. Then I stopped and looked in their basket-

Chips
Soda
Cookies
Banquet meals

No wonder they are running out of their allotment so fast...they are buying CRAP!!! People complain that they can't make it on what they get for food stamps each month and my question to them is why not?

The simple solution is this- you have to educate yourself on your grocery stores. You buy what is on sale and if you can stock up on those items that you use frequently.

Also STOP buying the CRAP!! Junk food is just that...junk. Instead of potato chips, why not microwave a potato and put sour cream and cheese on it?

It isn't that people can't cook, the won't cook. Because they think it is too much of a chore or an inconvenience. Because we have the stigma of the instant gratification society, that covers the way we eat as well. Quick and tastes good...don't give a damn whether or not it is good for you.

Then finally another argument that you hear is that fresh is too expensive. I say compromise... fresh frozen is a good alternative. I see the large bags of fresh frozen on sale all the time and believe me, I stock up. Also, I see veggies on sale all the time. What is comes to once again is the convenience factor. People don't want to bother with prepartion.

I have a family of 4 with a teenager in the mix. There are 2 things that really work for us- proper serving portions and no HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP products. Because we as a family have to be budget conscience, we really do measure out stuff so there is minimal waste and we have no leftovers. Portion control also helps with weight loss.

Now why have we banned the high fructose corn syrup? Because this type of sugar does not break down in the body properly but it stores as fat. Most of today's supermarket products are helping to make us fat because of the corn syrup. This junk is in everything from "healthy" yogurt to Chef BoyArdee. We really watch the labels for this sneaky ingredient because it doesn't help us, but hurts us. In my view, it is the catalyst that tells the brain that you HAVE to have more of that product...EAT the whole bag, drink the whole 2 liter.

I have noticed that my children don't go into hyper mode so much anymore because we have taken those products out of our lives.

In the end- education is the key to successful shopping as well as sticking to your food list and your budget. I am not saying that this is a perfect solution, but to all of those who complain that they don't get enough food stamp assistance (when they ARE getting the max) I say BULL!

First real major flare-up with the RA

2009-04-05T15:07:00.000-07:00

This one is kinda rough to handle because it is my first major flare-up. It is so bad, that my doctor put me back on the Prednisone full tablet everyday for 2 weeks.

I have been in bed now for 3 days (I have laptop) and it is quite frustrating because my cat is sleeping all over me and I have been a Mafia Wars FB junkie.

So, I feel like I am back to square one and it is quite discouraging because I know what it feels like to be pain free and running tame once again.

It is the weather that has been creating such pain and havoc for me. It is constantly blowing, we have had rain and snow and low temperatures. Not good for arthritis people! BUT I can say that since starting back on the Prednisone (yesterday) I am starting to feel the swelling go down and I can get this mess back under control.

I am also finding out that when these flare-ups happen, I really don't want to eat anything except sugar because I lose my sense of taste. It is wierd to sit dow to a beautiful salad with big, robust veggies, and I can't taste them. That is hard. Or last night.... I couldn't taste the pizza.

The exercise... I only got 1 day in last week because of all this mess. I didn't even feel up to going to the hot tub because I was afraid of being blown to Nebraska. Seriously when these flare-ups happen I don't get behind the wheel of a vehicle because my reaction senses are not up to par.

NOTE TO SELF- CATS CAN'T TYPE!!! My cat is still trying to help me with my blog this evening. I really wish he would retract his claws.

Anyway, I am hoping that this week gets tons better. We are coming up on Easter and I get to go shopping for it this week and we are having a healthy Easter dinner!

The year is flying!

2009-03-31T08:15:00.001-07:00

I can't believe that today is the last day of March! It totally flew by so fast.

Onto April and better weather!

The RA is acting up, but I am not even going to think about it today. I am getting ready to go to the gym and workout. Today's workout is treadmill and bike. I even went and created a special playlist for my Ipod for cardio days!

Yesterday I went to the pool and I swam my own program and then I went and soaked in the hot tub. I slept really good last night!

Well, my meds have just about kicked in and I am ready to go to the gym! Because my reward AFTER the gym is a big, beautiful, healthy salad! (After I go and get my favorite dressing!)

Protein and warmer weather are key for me!

2009-03-29T22:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, I learned a value lesson yesterday.

While I was anxiously waiting for the phone call from my mom that she got home safely, I just started eating like crazy-

1 small yogurt
3 veggie bites
1 cup of homemade soup with cheese
2 cheese sticks
14 Starburst
Baked chips and salsa
Lots of ice water
1/2 plate of spaghetti sauce covered bread with cheese.

My hunger was like insatiable for some dumb reason. THEN I realized... I didn't have my protein to start my day off. So, finally after figuring that one out, I went and make 5 Quorn Chicken nuggets and the hunger DID stop.

So every morning, I need to make sure that I have that protein (usually a hard-boiled egg or chicken sausage) because that will get me off on the right foot for the day.

Because of the snow and wierd weather, my RA has been going crazy. My joints DON'T like the cold!!! My elbows are really giving me fits with my wrists. I have been putting my wrists into my braces, but it just doesn't help. I have been taking the Ibuprofen 800 and it seems to relieve the swelling, but I just need warmer to get these flare-ups under control.

This week, I hope calms down enough to get some workouts in for myself. I really need to hit the gym hard because I do want to work up to 15 minutes of treadmill and 15 minutes of programmed stationery bike. Then I have yet to get into the pool with the water aerobics. I need to do that for myself and stop worrying about everything else.

The Week in Review

2009-03-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

Well, today was my mom's last full day here and I am sad. But she has helped me get my life together with regards to the RA. We got the refrigerator cleaned out and the cupboards stocked with the proper foods for all of us to have a healthier lifestyle. I am so lucky to have a mom that loves me and wants only the best for me.

The diet- It went pretty good this week. I increased my protein at breakfast and it is making a difference. I had several salads this week while having a cheat day with my mom. Overall, I am really getting into the fruits and veggies thing. My mom baked asparagus and I baked garlic-crusted brussel sprouts. Not too bad! I am even coming up with some recipes using salmon.

The exercise- I wish that the weather would have cooperated more and I could get in some more workouts, but I had a hard 20 minute workout on Tuesday. Now I want I want to have 15 minutes on the stationery bike and 10 minutes on the treadmill this week. But this time, I am going to start out on the treadmill and end up on the bike. I am also hoping to get more swimming in now that the weather is going to start to be sunny and warm again. But at least I did get some walking in and it felt pretty good.

The RA- This week was a ROUGH one. The weather did play havoc on my joints and there has been a lot of swelling. But the thing I am just having a problem with is the being tired. That is really frustrating for me. That has been making it hard for me to be committed to doing things with my family and friends, especially when you have a 6 year-old and you make a date with and you have to cancel because you just ran out of energy.

I LOVE stationery bikes!!!

2009-03-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

The weather has stopping monkeying with my RA and I was able to go to the Y and get a workout done today. 15 minutes on the weight loss program of the bike and 5 minutes on the treadmill!!!

Tomorrow is the swim day and I am also looking forward that one as well because I can soak my joints and get to feeling better.

Here is something I learned from one of my Grobie friends Cora- Prednisone causes water retention. I was wondering about that because all of a sudden, my ankles were as thick as logs. So, now I am drinking more water, taking a water retention pill, and I don't have a problem with salt intake... I only use it in recipes.

Because of all the changes we have done, my son and hubby are getting smaller. Braden is excited about losing 10 lbs this year and Waide's clothes are starting to get larger on him. I am hoping that the "Buddha Belly" is a thing of the past soon.

(Later in the evening)- Ok, I have done something that has made my left knee not very happy with me right now. I am trying to over do anything, it is the weather that is playing havoc with me.

Something that I am learning is that I HAVE TO TAKE BREAKS. That is rough for me because I am not one who likes to sit still. I like to be on the go, doing things, and being the in the center of the action. RA is making me slow down and that is frustrating.

Well, it is time for me to go off to bed now.

My week in Review

2009-03-22T17:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today I have been taking it extremely easy because we have had some wild weather that is not pleasing to my joints and the RA is in mild flare-up.

Mom and I did go to the hot tubs at the YMCA and soaked the creakin' and the crackin' out of our bones and joints. I RECOMMEND using hot tub therapy. Not only does it soak out the soreness but it also hydrates the skin! I felt so good after having my therapy session.

Eating- I did pretty good this week! I did have 2 sodas and a fast food fish sandwich, but I have changed my eating 180 degrees. Gone are the days of buying TONS of chips, frozen dinners, Pizza Hut, Long John Silvers, and other fast food joints.

It has been replaced by LOTS of salads, steamed/baked/grilled veggies, Quorn and Morning Star products, water, juices, salmon, and multi-grain Cheerios. I am a grazer and I like eating a slice of pineapple or some popcorn.

This is what we have decided because mom has gotten us on the straight and narrow...this week we are just going to plan our 1 meal (dinner) and then just eat PORTIONED breakfast and lunch. We have spent this whole weekend getting stuff ready for the week. For example-

We baked 2 lbs of turkey bacon and put it in bags for breakfast.
We baked 2 lbs of turkey sausage patties and put it bags for breakfast.
Boiled a dozen eggs for breakfast/snacks/salads.
Made a HUGE meatloaf and we are cutting it down into proper portions for the freezer.
CLEANED OUT THE REFRIGERATOR!!

The exercise- it has been hit and miss, but I have had lots of activity. I went and worked out in the cardio room, and went swimming twice. This coming week, mom and I are planning some walking, cardio, swimming, and resting.

The medication- I have been really good on getting my meds. HOWEVER, I am completely out of the Methotrexate and I am waiting for the doctor to call it in. I did have some more labs drawn this week and my doctor said that they look good, especially my liver function. I think I am starting to feel "Human" again.

My final thoughts of the night- The RA didn't come overnight and it isn't going to be controlled overnight. Just like my weight... I didn't get fat overnight, so it is going to take awhile of learning how to eat properly and getting the exercise. Then my weight will reduce and take the stress off my joints. My doctor has declared me healthy with the exception of 2 things- the excess weight and the RA. I can accept that for now, but changes are coming.

Friday is here!

2009-03-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

While the kids were out with grandma on a long walk, Waide and I went over to our storage unit and started to clean it out. We found out that our son has 8 boxes of junk mixed with trash to go through!! UGH!!

We found several things that are going to donation and we still have quite a bit to go through, but it will get cleaned out and the boxes sealed.

We went through the house over the winter break and there is just so much junk we have collected and gathered... it truly is stupid.

Lots of walking, lifting, bending, moving boxes... I think I got a great workout.

My mom made fresh salmon for us this evening. It was really good and I am thinking about taking the leftovers tomorrow and making salmon salad sandwiches. I am not a fan of salmon, but now my mom can fix it ANYTIME and I will eat it.

We are looking forward to the weekend. My eating habits have been good. I did have a soda today, but it was a small one and just a few french fries. I am trying learn some balance. But I did try a new product today- Morningstar Farms Chicken nuggets. They are pretty good!

Well, it is that time of night that I need to go to sleep. We are still working on our garage and trying to make life more manageable on so many different levels.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Photos of me and my family

2009-03-19T06:03:00.001-07:00

Health update! Its all good!

2009-03-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

I had a checkup today and my doctor is quite pleased with my progress. She has taken me off the Prednisone and is keeping strictly on the Methotrexate!! Yeah!!

So... NOW I am only on weekly medicines and daily vitamins. Progress is good! I want to keep the medicines to the minimum.

Anywho, today we are going to take it kinda light.

Here is the plan for the day-

Breakfast- 1 yogurt and 1 piece of Ezekiel Bread with 1 tsp of butter.

S #1- 1 cheesestick and banana

Lunch- 4 Quorn nuggets and 1 cup of steams green beans and potatoes.

S#2- Pita Chips and dip

Dinner- Find it Fix it for 400 calories, Alex

Then for the exercise part, we as a family are going to the swimming pool for a day of fun and relaxation. But I am going to try and get some more activity in and hit the hot tub once again.

I am quite pleased at the progress that I am making, but I feel I have a LONGGGG way to go. My focus is to get back into school this fall and get my degree over and done.

Today is day 3 and I do hope that it will get easier for me. A dear friend suggested that I keep to the schedule and life will get easier. However, there will be those days that things will not JUST work for that day. Those are the days I am not looking forward. But today isn't one of those days.

Day 2- Working out the kinks in the system

2009-03-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Today I only swam for 20 minutes, but it was 20 minutes of laps and resistance training. I am working my way up to 30 minutes of workout. But the best part of the day was the HOT TUB!! Oh man! I was in complete heaven!

But I am feeling tired today and I am taking it kinda easy.

It is absolutely gorgeous today! So much that we went out as a family and had a picnic. Chloe chased all the geese and wore herself out!

It is kinda annoying of having to put everything together and change your life. But I didn't get here overnight and this transformation isn't going to happen overnight.

HEY! Tonight is Biggest Loser!! I can't wait to see what is happening there. The season is starting to wind down and it is getting exciting because people's true colors are startting to come out.

Here is what is the menu for the day-

Breakfast- Multi-grain Cheerios and Lactaid milk (I am lactose intolerant)

S #1 - Cheese nibbles and 2 graham crackers

Lunch- Chicken wraps with cheese, miracle whip, and LOTS of lettuce. Veggies and dip, fruit

S#2- Fat-free pudding cups with Cool Whip

Dinner- Whole wheat penne pasta with Veggies and parmesan, rotissierre chicken pieces or Quorn. Spinach salad.

Putting it all together- Day 1

2009-03-16T10:12:00.000-07:00

Today is the day that I am putting the medicine, eating, AND working out. I have done quite a bit this morning already, and I am really tired but I feel like I am fighting to get to go back to school and finish my degree.

With all of this, I am not looking for the pounds to drop via the scale. I am just looking to get my energy levels back and sustain them. That is so important for me because I want to put the RA into its place in my life. I firmly believe that if I do all three of these things, my body will take care of business on its own.

I am off and running!

This is today's menu-

Breakfast- 1 serving of Dannon fat-free yogurt, 1 slice of Ezekiel bread, 1 tbs of butter

Lunch- Mixed veggie salad with Tuna and Miracle Whip and 9 crackers

Snack 1- Veggies and dip

Snack 2- 1 serving of baked chips and salsa

Dinner- Braden's wierd paninis and side salads.
(Me, I am having chicken tenders on my salad instead of Braden's wierd paninis)

Exercise-

5 minutes on the treadmill warm up

10 minutes on stationery bike

2 minutes on a gazelle machine

Medications-

All taken and accounted for!

Something I am learning about chronic diseases...

2009-03-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

That EVERYONE has the cure all or because something works for someone, they automatically assume that it will work for everyone.

Anyone with anytime of disease, disorder, syndrome, etc., is just as unique and different as the disease itself.

What I am doing is offering support and finding things that might work for those that have arthritis, because some people don't know where to go for other information and resources for them to research and find out the best treatment options for you.

What I appreciate about this whole situation is that when others have what you have, you find another person who understands your aches, pains, and frustrations with that particular ailment. Because you find out that you are not alone in and you can find support!!

Also, I am finding a great appreciation for VEGGIES!!!

We had a great homemade salad bar this evening and I grilled some polenta cakes that were showered with parmesan cheese. Everyone else had grilled chicken pieces and I had a Quorn cutlet stuffed with cranberries and goat cheese. AWESOME dinner and great veggies.

Something I am having trouble with and I am getting frustrated with is the fatigue factor. Now that the meds are starting to work, my brain is saying, "Stephanie- lets go, go go!" But my body is saying, "Um...I am not quite up to speed... you need to slow down." THIS is what I am having problems with and I am not sure how to go about finding a compromise.

Because here is the deal- When I was laying in bed day after day, not knowing what I was suffering from I made a promise to myself that once we found out what is going on I wouldn't stay in bed anymore and I would be active. I just hate the feeling of being useless and I don't like staying in bed all the time.

SO, WHAT DO I DO? Where do I strike the balance and compromise? Ugh! That is the hard part for me to figure out.

With my mom here for the next 2 weeks, we are going to figure out a system that works for me on how to put everything together where the RA doesn't play a dominate part in my life and it is just part of my life. Because I have much more important things like being with my family, finishing my college degree, and working on my hobbies. (ARCHERY, spinning/weaving, needlepoint, and others)

Let the work commence!

Today I am hurting...

2009-03-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have over done it this week and I am now paying for it. My joints are really hurting today and I am not quite feeling myself. It is frustrating that I know I have limitations now and I am trying to find ways to work around them.

Here is the deal for me- I really hate laying down during the day. I want to be moving and active, but dammit! My body isn't cooperating with me. I know for me right now it is the weather that is complicating things.

My little arthritis team fund is growing and I am excited about that. My goal is to raise 250.00 for the walk.

Anyway, I am going to go and find something to do while laying down. I am just hurting right now.

I can't Wait to go back to the YMCA!

2009-03-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

Waide and I went to the Y and got our training session out of the way, so we can start working out when we are not looking for jobs. Which we both have been doing.

Anyway, we have had a boring day but tomorrow is going to be a busy day. We have Chloe's parent/teacher conferences and a marriage for keeps program meeting. It helps us pass the time and get to know other couples.

This is actually good because we are starting to get on each other's nerves with me being home and him being home without jobs or school.

Ok, I have started getting back to the research for RA because I have been changing my eating so I don't have to deal with so much inflammation in my joints. Pretty much it is a liberal selection of foods, but you just have to decide what will work and won't work for you.

I am finding that healthier can be done even on a limited budget..you just have to educate yourself about your grocery stores! So, back to the RA research. Here some great information that I have found to help those that are in the same boat as I am!

Foods to avoid Saturated fats. This category includes fats in and from animal products, such as fatty beef or pork, poultry skin, ice cream, butter, whole or 2 percent milk, regular cheese, bacon, bologna, salami, pepperoni, beef sausage, and other fatty foods. Saturated fats are also found in coconut oil, palm oil, and palm kernel oil.
Instead of these unhealthy saturated fats, choose low-fat or no-fat dairy products, lean cuts of beef and pork, and skinless chicken and turkey.

Trans fats. These are man-made. In an effort to give baked goods a longer shelf life, scientists took common vegetable oil and added hydrogen molecules in the right places. The result was that liquid oil turned solid … and dangerous. Trans fats are thought to be at least as bad as saturated fats in terms of inflammation and other health problems. Maybe worse. Check labels and don’t buy food products with trans fat.

Simple and refined carbohydrates. Sugary foods, white flour baked goods, white rice, bread, rheumatoid arthritis ckers and other refined carbohydrates set up a state of inflammation in the body, causing increases in cytokines and other pro-inflammatory compounds. Limit these foods if you want the best chance of reducing arthritis pain and progression. Also watch out for corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup. This is practically in everything, including some spaghetti sauces. It is considered one of the hidden sugars.

Foods to include

Omega-3 fatty acids: The healthiest of fats for people with arthritis or other inflammatory disorders are omega-3 fatty acids, one of the polyunsaturated fats. While other foods increase levels of inflammation in the body, omega-3s actually work to decrease inflammation by suppressing the production of cytokines and enzymes that erode cartilage. More than a dozen studies have demonstrated that omega-3 fish oils can reduce symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis.
Some of the best foods for Omega -3 fatty acids include: salmon (wild, fresh or canned), herring, mackerel (not king), sardines, anchovies, rainbow trout, Pacific oysters, omega-3 fortified eggs, ground flaxseeds, walnuts, seaweed, and soybeans

Extra virgin olive oil: Olive oil contains the “good” monounsaturated fat, which protects the body against inflammation because it contains antioxidants called polyphenols. In animal studies, rats with arthritis were fed diets high in various kinds of oils. The researchers found that both fish oil and olive oil prevented arthritis-related inflammation. For the highest antioxidant content, choose “extra virgin” olive oil.

Antioxidants:
Inflammation produces free radicals, those cell-damaging molecules that are formed in response to toxins or natural body processes. Antioxidants, such as vitamin C, selenium, carotenes, and bioflavonoids, protect the body from the effects of free radicals, and are a critical part of an anti-inflammation diet. Research has demonstrated that certain antioxidants may help prevent arthritis, slow its progression, and relief pain. The best are vitamin C, selenium, carotenes (beta carotene and beta cryptoxanthin), and bioflavonoids (quercetin and anthocyanidins).

Vitamin C: Some of the best foods include guava, peppers (yellow/red/green), oranges, grapefruits, strawberries, pineapple, kohlrabi, papayas, lemons, broccoli, kale, potatoes and Brussels sprouts.

Selenium: Some of the best foods include Brazil nuts, tuna (canned light in water), crab, oysters, tilapia, lean beef, cod, shrimp, wheat germ and whole grains

Beta carotene: Some of the best foods include sweet potato, carrots, kale, butternut squash, turnip greens, pumpkin, mustard greens, cantaloupe, sweet red pepper, apricots and spinach.

Beta cryptoxanthin: Some of the best foods include winter squash, pumpkins, persimmons, papaya, tangerines, peppers (red chili and red bell), corn, oranges, apricots, carrots, nectarine, and watermelon

Quercetin: Some of the best foods include onions (red, yellow, white), kale, leek, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, blueberries, black currants, elderberries, ligonberries, cocoa powder (unsweetened), apricot, apple with skin (*Red Delicious), and red/purple/black grapes

Anthocyanidins: Some of the best foods include blackberries, black currents, blueberries, eggplant, elderberries, cherries, boysenberries, red/black/purple grapes, strawberries, plum, cranberries, rhubarb, red wine, red onion, and apples.

Vitamin D: Although we mostly think of vitamin D as important for bone strength, it is also critical for a number of other body functions, including joint health. Studies have shown that getting adequate amounts of vitamin D reduces the risk of both rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis. Among people who already have osteoarthritis, those who have a vitamin D deficiency are more likely to develop worsening disability over time. Getting even the basic daily requirements of vitamin D leads to greater muscle strength, improvement in physical functioning, and preservation of cartilage (that’s at least 400 IU until age 70, and at least 600 IU for folks 70 and older). Some of the best foods for Vitamin D include, wild salmon, mackerel (not king), sardines, herring, milk (skim, 1 percent, low-fat, skim plus), enriched soy milk, egg yolks, and mushrooms.

Its Raining its Pouring!!

2009-03-09T19:02:00.000-07:00

We are finally getting some good rain, but too much lightning for me. Also, there are tornado watches swirling all around us.

Daylight Savings Time has begun and I REALLY hate it. It messes all of our body clocks up and I just feel like I don't get anything done when it is on.

I just finished watching Dancing with the Stars and it was ok. The ones I don't like are Belinda Carlisle, David Allen Grier, and the Woz. But I don't think Ty Murray is going to last very long as well as Lawrence Taylor.

I liked Gilles, Lil Kim, and Shawn Johnson. Everyone else... I can take or leave. But I am hoping for a good season. I did think it was interesting that the Bachelor chick Melissa is on there...considering she isn't really a "star." I think ABC saw a marketing gold mine.

Tonight is kinda a quiet night and I need to get ready for tomorrow. I have a huge day planned and I need to be at my best!

Laters!

What a weekend!

2009-03-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

We did get the opportunity to go to our niece's wedding reception in Garden City and it was a good reception.

Jon and Krystol are now on their way to Idaho for Jon to continue school. They have a lot of hard work ahead of them, but they have lots of family that love them. They will be ok! I just hope that Krystol learns how to become a great cook! I am MORE than willing to teach her the fine art of food preparation!

We also got informed that our other niece, Porsche was accepted to BYU-Provo. I am so proud of her because she deserves the best education that is right for her!

It was good to see family once again. While it was crazy and insane, we all did get to sit down and visit. Chloe of course provided entertainment with help of my nephew's dog Chocolate. I just wish that Wichita and Garden City were a tad bit closer.

Speaking of my nephew, he is a good looking young man and he is going to turn out all right as well!

THEN- I have never seen such a boy crazy girl as my niece Keeri Ann! She is really fun to tease about the boys. She is turning 16 this year and she can't wait. She is a very independent and high-spirited young lady that is going to take on the world.

So, how did I do with the RA? I did really well! I drove both ways and all around Garden City. My butt got more tired than anything to do with the RA. I did notice that when you are travelling or probably on vacation, it might be hard to stick to a routine. Yesterday, I didn't take my meds in the morning because I got rushed doing some stuff. I didn't take all the vitamins with me because I knew I would be home.

Anyway, onward and upward to this week! This is going to be a busy week for everyone because we are getting ready for family to come and visit us. (Grandma!) We also have parent-teacher conferences and as usual, doctors appointments.

Waide and I are also starting some job classes to help get us back on track and fulfill our commitments. Let's have a good week!

Let's Talk about Spaghetti Squash and Sweet Potatoes

2009-03-06T15:40:00.000-08:00

I am finding that I am not a very big fan of pasta anymore, so I am learning how to eat spaghetti squash as my pasta..

Here is what I made for dinner tonight-

Spaghetti sauce with fire roasted tomatoes, mushrooms, and onions.
The "meat" was Quorn meatless ground crumbles. (Located at Dillons!)

1/2 of spaghetti squash per person. (Only me and my son eat the squash)

I cut the squash into 1/2, rubbed it with olive oil baked upside down at 375 degrees for about 30-35 minutes. Golden and tender.

Put the sauce on top of the squash with some cheese. Then added a small side salad... HEAVEN!!! Everything tasted REALLY good together especially the meat sauce.

Ok, now about sweet potatoes. I have never cooked a sweet potato in my life!! So, I am going to bake me some sweet potatoes and add some Laughing Cow garlic and herb cheese spread. I found this recipe in the Biggest Loser cookbook and I thought.. simple and just might be tasty. I LOVE garlic!

Honestly, I don't know WHY I have such a problem with sweet potatoes... except maybe everytime I see them, they are overcooked, have marshmallows on them, AND look really yucky! So, I have been researching of ways that this tuber is used in a more tasty way! I have had sweet potato chips and those ROCK!!

Now I am off to the grocery store. I have a plug-in cooler for the trip tomorrow because I don't want to spend any money at a resturant, so I need to go and get those groceries.

Laters!

I did it! I signed up!!

2009-03-05T09:04:00.001-08:00

I went down to the YMCA and signed my family up for the membership. I also found out that they have scholarship programs that we qualify for and I am filling out the paperwork to help keep a membership going for all of us.

THEN next week, I have a meeting with a personal trainer on Tuesday to start creating a plan for me to start losing the weight and making sure I have mobility in my joints. I am getting excited about what I am getting ready to under take and I am wanting to have fun with this.

I have been pondering this whole thing and maybe this is my body telling me that I have to take 2009 and get it together in order for me to handle the future- to prepare to finish up my degree and step into a good paying position with a healthy lifestyle and positive outlook.

I also found out that the YMCA in Andover is looking to hire people and I am thinking- WHY NOT ME?? I am a people person and I am good with computers, numbers, etc. So, I am getting my resume together tomorrow and heading out to get a job.

Enjoy the weekend everyone!

I have found a GREAT product that tastes good!

2009-03-04T06:25:00.000-08:00

Back in 2000, I weighed 406 lbs and I decided in order to save my life I would undgo the procedure gastric bypass. It was AWESOME. I went from 406 to 214 in 18 months.

However, there have been complications the whole time with meat. With it being muscle tissue it is stringy and can get caught in the ring. Then a 2-6 episode of trying to get that through the hoop is painful and exhausting. I had one of these episodes the other day and I have had enough.

So, we were shopping in our 2nd favorite Dillons and I came across a product called Quorn. Meat-free and soy-free. They had these chik'n cutlets stuffed with Gruyere cheese and they looked good. So, I thought- ok I will try them.

OMH! THEY ARE AWESOME!! I was so surprised of how good they really taste. The cutlet I had was 260 calories and then I had some broccoli cheese bites from Morningstar Farms and it was all around 400 calories gross- 325 calories net. I HAD to share with everyone a bite of everything!

I am now hoping that this will help me in my quest for better health management and making peace with the gastric bypass.

My thoughts on the gastric bypass- When I did the surgery I saved my life. I was diabetic, high blood pressure, borderline sleep apnea, edema, and the list goes on. I hated what I had become and I thought I found a solution to help me get my life back. But the reality is that I wanted to get pregnant again and have a daughter to complete our family.

I was so educated on the procedure and the post-op, but there was no education and support for follow up and lifestyle management. When I would go in for my checkups with my surgeon, he would tell me that I needed to exercise more because my weight just wasn't melting off at the pace he wanted.

Then when I would tell him about the problems with the proteins and ask for help... he didn't have any real suggestions except that I needed to follow the South Beach Diet and exercise more.

It was frustrating to not have the support that GB patients have today. Since getting to my lowest weight of 214, I have gained and I am now 275. That is quite discouraging as well, because I know that if these problems would have been addressed when I brought them up I might be at goal weight which is actually 175 lbs.

When people ask me about my experience, I tell them the truth but I also put a warning label- Make sure that you are prepared and committed to a complete lifestyle change. Not just for 1 year, but the rest of your life. I am not saying be super strict with yourself, but become aware of where you can and cannot go with the results of the surgery. For me, it saved my life and gave me the opportunity to bring my daughter into the world. It worked.

Alrighty then! I am getting ready to start my day. The meds are kicking in, I have cleaned my desk off, rearranged the furniture, picked up kid's junk, and gathered old, paper trash. I have been trying to get ready for my mom coming in next week and I want to be as prepared as possible where I can focus on things at hand.

Laters!

We are getting the help we need...

2009-03-03T08:43:00.001-08:00

We got all of our government help today with the exception of the medical.. that comes tomorrow. Chloe needs an eye exam and probably glasses. Braden needs braces to straighten his teeth. Then we will have the coverage for our doctor's visits and prescriptions.

Honestly, I don't feel guilty about asking the government for help. Because I have paid my taxes every year, faithfully and I have contributed positively to my community. I am not planning on being on assistance for the rest of my life, but my goal is to get off of it ASAP.

There is a local job fair tomorrow as well and we are planning to attend it because we are taking a proactive approach to our lives to get us back into the financial stability zone.

The economy is hitting everyone so hard and I am praying that we will be able to weather this storm to the best of our ability using our brains and keeping the emotions in check. It is getting hard because Waide and I are in each other's space right now.

This has hit Waide hard, because he isn't used to sitting at home being idle. Then to boot, he is losing interest in school and these GRADUATE classes!!! I guess when you get to this point, you just do what you can to make the time go faster.

How is the RA doing? I am REALLY start to feel like me again and I have missed me. I am still tired, but I am not in PAIN. I am smiling and teasing around with my family. I am not grumpy and I am working on cleaning the house as well as cooking! I can only imagine what I am going to feel like in 6 months when I have my system down to a science.

OH! Tomorrow's blog is going to be cool because I have found something that is so amazing that I will not want to eat real chicken anymore!

I am wanting to sleep...

2009-03-03T00:28:00.000-08:00

Here is my other blogspot- http://www.myspace.com/writers_lament

At this particular blogspot, I like to have my political commentary and other things that just piss me off that doesn't have anything to do with my health issues. That blogspot actually helps me think. I also am trying to write a book and the name you see is my pen name. You never know, I just might write a really good book and become famous under that pen name!

Ok, I tried to go to the YMCA and sign up for classes because they are running a special right now and they practically had a line out the door! So, I didn't get a chance to sign up. So, tomorrow I am going to try the one down town and get all signed up. I am really feeling the need to start to exercise more.

I have ANOTHER doctor's appointment on Friday. This time, it will be for well woman checkup. Here is where I am kinda nervous as well and this is the reason why-

My grandmother died from ovarian cancer and at the age of 40, my mother was pre-cancerous on the cervix. I don't think anything is wrong down south, but I am getting everything checked out because that is the last thing I need to deal with right now.

This weekend we are going to my niece's wedding reception in Garden City and it should be nice. We got the happy couple a gift card because what I choose may not be what they need to start their lives, so they can now choose what they want. It will be fun to see everyone and get out of Wichita for the weekend.

Anyway, I am thinking that I am getting tired and I can go lay down. I am hoping anyway.

I found something new at the store!

2009-03-01T10:44:00.001-08:00

Ok, I am always looking for a quicker way of preparing veggies and my family is even anxious to try them. They are the Green Giant Steamer bags. I got a variety of these veggies because they have a light sauce or seasoning on them and they have portion control with them. They also have rice mixtures and I got a few of them to try especially the brown rice.

My right arm as a whole is really hurting today. I am just not having good luck on finding comfortable way to sleep on the right side and it is frustrating for me.

Anyway, this is going to be a brutal week for Waide and myself. We are defrosting the freezer and getting ready to eat a TON of soup for the next week. Chloe has been playing in the freezer and the frost has been building up, so now we have to take it all apart and get the growing iceberg out of the freeze.

I have been thinking about my blogspot and what I have decided to do is turn it into a place where people will be able to get help and inspiration for dealing with chronic diseases, obesity, exercise, and life in general. So, what I am going to do is help me to keep my accountability for management of the RA. I will post my food and workout journal here everyday. I believe in keeping things simple, so when I prepare something and it has a recipe to it, I will post the recipe as well.

I know that I am not the only one out there who has these kinds and troubles and if I can be of some small service or inspiration, then it is all good!

Ok, I am off to make some homemade bread and chicken enchiladas for dinner this evening. Hope you have a great day!

I am not awake today

2009-02-28T08:40:00.000-08:00

Attached to the bottom of this blog is my niece Krystol's wedding picture, but I can't leave things alone, so I altered it. To me, my version always looks better! Congrats to Krystol and Jon.

Anyway, I have been gaining the energy to be cooking in the kitchen again and I made my famous quiche! It has caramelized onions, lump crabmeat, and feta cheese. It is all baked in a lovely crust and tastes divine!

We are starting to work on getting the spring cleaning done. It is good to get rid of the old, broken, outgrown, stuff and feel like you can breathe in your space once again. The place we live in is quite small for our family and it is hard to figure out what stays and what goes because we have several interests and hobbies.

Today I had a little trouble getting the meds down. I might have to split them up because today was a lot of them and they kinda made me sick to my stomach even though I ate something with them.

CONFESSION TIME- Ok, here in Wichita we get the retro television channel and it has one of my favorite shows of all time on at 8 pm-- Airwolf. There were 3 things about this show that drives me into a happy place: The theme music, the cabin, and Airwolf itself. I am completely addicted to that show just like I was when it was on the first time. When I watch this campy 80's show, I am sitting there with the biggest grin on my face. I LOVE AIRWOLF!!

I am now going to go back to bed because I am just not feeling all that well today and I think I just need some down time from starting to get my energy back. February is over and now it is onto March.

Thank Goodness it IS Friday!

2009-02-27T13:15:00.000-08:00

Waide and I did go to the Social Services job meeting, but it got cut REALLY short because the fire alarm went off and it wasn't a drill. Don't think it was serious but they let us go anyway. The presenters of the meeting weren't all that thrilled to be there anyway.

My tuberculosis test came back negative, so that is 1 less thing I have to deal with and that is pretty cool. I have one more week of the Prednisone and then starting March 14th, I cut back to a 1/2 tablet. I am hoping that the 1/2 tablet will allow me to start to sleep at 2 am.

Anyway, I am getting stronger and each day I am feeling like I will get this under control. The next step for me will be getting a better eating program started. I am 275lbs and I would like to be 175 lbs in a years time. So, we are working on preparing to start a new way of eating on March 14th. We ARE following the Biggest Loser program to start on March 14th when my mom is here because she is a good watch dog to keep us on the straight and narrow for 2 weeks of planning, preparing, and enjoying our meals.

Come February 20, 2010 on my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with RA it is my goal to be a completely different person.

What a difference one week can make

2009-02-26T07:12:00.000-08:00

Ok, I just took my cocktail of the meds and vitamins. My doctor told me that my b12 was low, so I started a prenatal multi-vitamin yesterday. I know that in an hour I will start to feel pretty good again. Which means a walk to Wal-Mart to continue to re-build my strength once again.

I can't believe that in just a week I am not feeling bad in most of my joints. I am mainly feeling it in my elbows, shoulders, and parts of my hands. But as each day goes by, it gets less and less. I am sleeping much better and getting some seriously deep sleep. But here is the wierd thing- the meds are keeping me up till 2 am and then I wake up at 8:30. I hope that this is just a mild side effect and not a permanent one.

Another one of my goals for this year is to get to shoot archery again. I have missed that part of my life and I want to get back to being able to pull a bow.

Yesterday I got the Rolls Royce of breadmakers! (Thank you tax refund!) I love baking bread and I only use King Arthur Flour for my flour products. There is too much crap in commercial bread and I can make it cheaper here at home. I am also adding flaxseed to the mix because of the Omega-3's that my body is needing to fight against the RA.

We are now waiting on a phone call from Waide's mom to find out if they are going to move back to Colorado for Waide's dad. His dad was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday and he doesn't smoke. We are attributing it to all the years in the military when we worked around those that smoked and then the prison people that smoke as well. The cancer is a level 2 cancer. We are PRAYING that the will go back to Colorado and be near family and friends that can help them while being close to really good military hospitals and their financials won't take such a hit.

My mom is looking forward to us moving home later this year because she will have her family back around her especially her grandkids. Chloe and Braden love being with her and they miss her a lot. Over spring break, we are going to start cleaning out the garage to take stuff back to Colorado when we go back to see Waide's dad when they get settled IF that is the decision they make.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. We are going to a job orientation thing and then I have to go and show my arm from the tuberculosis test that got poked with on Wednesday. I found out that if you have TB, that really complicates your treatments for RA because of the steroids. The test on my arm is flat, but it is bruised and scratched where she gave me the injection.

Ugh! Today!

2009-02-24T14:46:00.000-08:00

I took Waide's car into have some work done and 300.00 later it is fixed. Our tax return money is almost all gone and that is scary because that is the last of our money. We are working on improving that situation, but even that takes time.

We still haven't heard anything about Waide's dad if he is living or not. I guess he is doing better because we didn't get the call.

Chloe is still on the war path from last night. She is just having some real trouble lately and we know she is stressed out about what is going on around her. So, we are having her call her grandma every night before she goes to bed. That seems to help.

We watched the President's speech and.... good hell! Someone staple Nancy Pelosi to her seat!!! The President was there to make a speech NOT ATTEND A PEP RALLY!! That woman drives me absolutely insane!

Here is my take on the universe concerning the economic problems- I really think that Obama really wants to help this country get back on track because he is seeing it through the eyes of his daughters.

Give the guy a real chance to make a difference for me and the rest of America. I feel as though he has put together the best possible team to help him try and solve this mess that got dumped into his lap LONG before he took office.

To me, the Republicans are realizing that he like my husband realized a long time ago that trickle down economics doesn't work and we need a new plan. Companies didn't let the positive balances trickle down to those who needed it the most, they kept it for themselves.

It is time for the fat cats to finally admit they squat to pee as well. No more benefits for them or their pals in the Hamptons! Because if they don't wake up and see that if they don't have the American people working for them... then they won't have that new house in Aspen or private jet to take them all over.

He challenged Congress- "Give me legislation that will make a positive impact for the American people...like the bill drafted by Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch." Now look, I am not saying that Obama has all the right answers but he is trying to put the USA back together.

I am sick to death of Congress people thinking that they need special spending. Right now they don't need garbage because they are part of the problem and not the solution.

Ugh! I am going to bed!

Today is going to be my quiet day

2009-02-24T05:58:00.000-08:00

After the drama of yesterday, I am going to stay home and just play around the house. I might walk over to Walmart and get Chloe a new dress and shoes.

Here is something that I am getting frustrated with in learning about RA. There is so much information there that it is hard to figure out what is good info and what isn't good. I am trusting websites like John Hopkins and other hospital sites, but then you get these sites that swear up and down that this works or that works for RA.

I am still looking for credible sites to draw information from to help me better understand RA, so if you have a great site, post it in the comments!

This Friday, Waide and I have to go to this job orientation meeting for getting public assistance. For me, it is just a formality but Waide has to commit 35 hours a week to looking for a job. So he has to go to all these classes and sit there to be bored out of his gourd. He is actively looking for a job, but right now in this market it is hard to find one.

We have been seriously talking about moving back to Colorado where we can be near family. The kids are really missing their grandma and we aren't seeing any real opportunity here in Kansas. Personally, I am missing Colorado as well. That is home for me.

I miss waking up to the front range as the sun starts to hit it and there is truly a purple glow on the mountains with brillant streaks of oranges and pinks. I miss the smell of the pine trees when we go to the Crags for the day. Then there is nothing like the brillant blue of a Colorado sky, especially after it has snowed. The view is so grand that it almost blinds you.

I guess you can take the girl out of the mountains, but you can't take the mountains out of the girl!

Ok, I am on my way to start my day!

Ok... this just wasn't our day.

2009-02-23T17:02:00.000-08:00

As we were getting ready to go to our appointment today, we discovered that ALL of our important information was accidently thrown in the trash. Birth certificates, shot records, etc. So, now it is taking 180.00 to get new certificates and then we have to order the kids' SSN cards. We were luck on the shot records, the schools have those.

Anyway, I have to get a statement from my doctor about my diagnosis and then she will put me in touch with an advocacy group to help get my short-term disability going. She says that it is usually easier to get short-term than long term and I told her I will be back in school come August... I need everything working properly.

I am getting frustrated with my beloved husband. He is upset that he still isn't working and I can't help that. But also he is upset that his dad is getting worse in Arizona and he is afraid that his dad is getting ready to pass away.

We have been getting hit with so much in the last 6 months that we all get to our limits and then we blow. Waide is also nervous that my mom will be here next week as well. It is kinda all piling up on him and he is trying to handle it. I keep reminding him that this will pass, but we have to remain strong for everyone's sake.

Hey! I was driving today! I took my hubby out for a date day and we had a wonderful time. But then when I got home I completely crashed. I just couldn't keep it together and I think I am ready to go back to bed.

I hope tomorrow is a better day!

I am not looking forward to this afternoon

2009-02-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

Today, Waide and I have to go to Social Services to get the public assistance that our family needs and get me declared short-term disabled.

Academically, I know that these people are just doing their jobs, but when you go into meetings like this you almost feel like you are on trial. You HAVE to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you need this help.

Getting up today was easier than yesterday and I am not as sore as I have been. I am starting to notice relief and the meds are starting to work and I feel like I am finding me again. But here is the hard part, one of the meds keeps me up for a long time... I can't get to sleep until midnight. I am wondering if that is normal or that is my body just adjusting to drugs in my system right now.

I did watch the Oscars last night and I enjoyed them! It seemed more personal, especially when they had the other actors and actresses present and congratulate the nominees in that category.

DAMN! Hugh Jackman...he can be the sexiest AND the most talented man alive! I can't believe that he and I are a little over a year apart in age. But then again, I think almost everyone is older than me! ( I do have a slight Peter Pan Syndrome and thank the heavens there is no cure for that!)

Ok, I am setting a goal for myself... by my birthday (November 1st) I want to go to the Anaheim Grobie Holiday party in Los Angeles. But my RA has to be completely under control and I would like to be 50 lbs lighter. These women have totally accepted me into their little group and I am loving it. I want to do something special for them. But I have to meet my goals, first!

I will write more on what happened today in a different posting later today

I felt human again and...

2009-02-22T07:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, the painkiller drug works! I am feeling quite hopeful and I felt almost like my old self that I was actually walking normally, going up and down the stairs, etc. THEN I over did everything and now today I am paying for it. EVERY joint including my jaw hurts.

But that is ok, because I know that I will feel good again here in a couple of hours because I took my meds!

Hope.. that is what I am feeling today. I have got a glimpse of what is to come to me once again as long as I stick to to the script!!

That is the hard part for me.. following directions...especially when I didn't create them! I have always had trouble coloring within the lines on anything...so this is going to be a huge challenge for me, especially in the exercise zone.

Speaking of exercise- I have been looking at the schedules for classes and I have decided on what classes I am taking and the mind set that I am using is a college mind set. Each class I take for going to be for a "semester". The schedules change about every 90 days, so I will have a new semester come May 1st. That is when I will change the classes up a bit to make sure I don't get bored.

The goal here is that by the time I go back to school in the fall, I will be out of the arthritis classes and into normal water and gym classes. The nice thing is that the water classes are always in the arthritis pools, so it doesn't matter on the workout there, my joints won't feel the stress.

Speaking of school this fall, it will be interesting to see how things are going to pan out when I combine the exercise semester with the academic semester. But I am not going to worry about that right now.

Tomorrow, we go to social services to review my case for short-term disability. I have gone from lifting over 200 lbs to not able to lift a 12 lb. cat. I have been wearing braces on my wrists because they creek and crack and they are hurting. We will also be getting financial assistance to help us out because Waide is still unemployed.

My mom gets here next week and we will start the process of getting me started working out. I am going to buy my mom a guest pass to come and exercise with me while she is here. She and I are also working on the eating game plan.

There is so much change and it is hard to take in all at once. But for now, I am working on the routine of the medication. Speaking of which, I need to go and rest. No repeats of yesterday.

Day 1- the Drugs 8 of them!

2009-02-21T08:50:00.001-08:00

Ok, I started the drug therapy and I am really loopy from this stuff. But I really do feel like hell right now.

However, today I have life to live. I am paying my bills and preparing my house for my mom to come to visit in 10 days.

My hubby is staying on top of my medications because he knows how much I detest taking medications, EVEN Tylenol.

I have already started to eat healthier and getting more fiber and veggies into my diet. We as a family have decided to follow the Biggest Loser plan. We will have to bump up our son's intake of an extra calcium/protein because he is only 13 and needs that for growing bones.

My mom is going to help me with getting the food and the menu going because this is going to be a challenge for everyone. For example- my son hates eggs, my daughter isn't that crazy about veggies, and my husband hates ALL types of squash, allergic to tomatoes, and detests cucumbers. For me, I don't like fresh water fish and my mother-in-law killed salmon. SO, my mom is going to make salmon and she guarantees that I will like it her way and we will enjoy it once again. I am also going to have to eat a bit more tuna as well.

Mom is also going to help me get started on my workouts at the YMCA. She has a lot of work ahead of her, but once the meds start working, my eating improves, and exercise will start to help... I will be back to my normal self and hopefully shooting archery fairly soon!

This is part of me for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I have to give into it. I can't. I have a Josh Groban concert in London to attend with my friend Norma. I have more Josh events in Southern California to attend with my Grobie friends there... NOT to mention I have a college degree to finish.

Today... I wish this battle

It is official...

2009-02-20T21:07:00.000-08:00

This blog site is going to be used for my on going battle with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). I have another site, but I want to keep it for the use of my writing and not talk about RA there.

Today the official diagnosis in writing came down in my records with 1 swoop. Rheumatoid Arthritis. While I had a week to prepare myself for this moment, it still really hit me, because I had so much flash through my head with massive bouts of pain in every joint.

So, NOW I am on 5 prescriptions and I am having to do a 180 in my life. I have to lose more weight for my joints, eat a well-balanced diet, exercise everyday, take the medications on time, AND make my house more user-friendly to me. All of this is to get me into remission and back into school.

The thing that pisses me off is that I am so tired all the time. I can deal with the moving slow, not driving everyday, but I hate having to rest all the time. I want to be on the go and do the things I need to do. I hate being limited.

But really sucks is that it is getting to be archery season soon and I can't pull my bow. I have to build my strength up again. I haven't shot in 2 years in competition and I hate sitting on the sidelines. But everything is taking a back seat to get me going in the right direction.

I am also participating in the Arthritis Walk in April and I am putting a team together to help me prove to myself that I am proactive and this disease isn't going to win the war... that is my prize. I guess it is good to be a member of the SCA because I have taken the heavy fighter's attitude when it comes to this... take no prisoners and win the war!

Also what I hate is having to depend on others for help. They have lives as well and it isn't meant to be spent waiting on me. But I guess helping me at this time, I will get the chance to pay it forward in the future.

Here on this blog, I will probably bitch about other things, too.

Laters.